Date Written: September 13, 2005 Author:Mr. Pony Average Vote: 4
Comments:
09/14/2005Dylan Danko (5): I'm speechless. I'm in a conference room in some crappy office park outside of Brussels listening to someone talk about patents in very bad English and trying very hard to contain myself. There is a lot of shit pouring out the sides of Feldspar's mouth.
09/14/2005Will Disney (5): bravo!
09/14/2005Dick Vomit (5): The trick here is: how long are you willing to watch? I watched for a very long time!
09/14/2005Ewan Snow: Dude, how'd you get this footage?
09/14/2005The Rid: Hey, is Feldspar enjoying getting shat on/in? Or is this happening while he's asleep? I mean, I'm assuming he enjoys it. I'm just asking.
09/14/2005Ewan Snow (3): While I agree with this short, I sort of felt it was a one trick Pony. And considering Feldspar's appetite for poop has already been explored in Feldspar Eats a Bowl of Diarrhea, I can't exactly say this breaks new ground. If the site supported half stars, I'd probably give this a 3.5.
09/14/2005Ewan Snow: Also, you should have shown Feldspar's Adam's apple bobbing to indicate that he is swallowing the majority of the poop. Otherwise, how do you account for the sheer volume of poop going into his mouth if so little is spilling out? C'mon, let's be realistic!
09/14/2005The Rid: While we're pointing out stuff, since this seems to have been done for comic purposes, why not show Feldspar's gut getting bigger as it fills with poop? Then he could explode and blow the shitsprayer across the room.
09/14/2005Dick Vomit: How about it all takes place in the Matrix? Yeah! nd like...it's not real poop! It just tastes and smells and looks and feels like real poop but Feldspar doesn't care bc Feldspar just wants to live in blissful ignorance and wouldn't dare to eat the red pill and come out of the battery goo pod and find out about the robots!
09/14/2005Ewan Snow: Ha! Yeah, Rid, you really are an idiot. At least I was joking. What a dick.
09/14/2005The Rid: Snow, how do you know I'm not kidding? You fucking asshole.
09/14/2005qualcomm: i don't think you were kidding, rid. so that makes me, ewan, and dick vomit so far. who else thought the rid wasn't kidding?
09/14/2005qualcomm: are you saying you were kidding?
09/14/2005qualcomm: eliza: was the rid kidding?
09/14/2005Eliza: The Rid? Hell of a guy.
09/14/2005Mr. Negative: I was running with the silliness that Snow had begun in the post before mine.
09/14/2005The Rid: Whoops. Wrong login.
09/14/2005Ewan Snow: Shut up.
09/14/2005The Rid: Oh, Snow, you're an asshole. Fuck you.
09/14/2005Ewan Snow: How do you know I wasn't joking? No go on and make some more dumb comments, or write more dumb shorts, or apply your dumb taste to voting on somebody else's. And before you get annoyed, consider this: how do you know I'm not joking?
09/14/2005Ewan Snow: "no"="now"
09/14/2005The Rid: You're right. I don't know you're not joking.
09/14/2005anonymous: The record does not support Mr. Megative's assertion at 4:30:52.
09/14/2005anonymous: Mr. Megative.
09/14/2005The Rid: Guys, I'm really not in the mood for a fight today. So tell you what, I wasn't kidding. I was actually making a suggestion to Pony that could make his animation somehow better. There. I'm the asshole.
09/14/2005Klause Muppet: "somehow better"
09/14/2005qualcomm: i don't think i care for your tone, the rid.
09/14/2005Jawbreaker: Snow, are you being a dick for the sake of being a dick? I think The Rid was kidding and not pooping all over it. Just curious. yours, Jawbreaker
09/14/2005Jawbreaker: BTW, this is gross... :)
09/14/2005The Rid: That's okay, qualcomm.
09/14/2005qualcomm: jb/rid -- nobody's faulting rid for "pooping all over" the short, trying to steal attention from it, or for suggesting "seriously" that pony make the changes he described. we all know he was "kidding," in that he meant his suggestions to be taken in jest. the problem was that the suggestion failed miserably at being funny, and lord knows it was trying. as dv pointed out in his satirical comment, it unintentionally sounds like the type of joke a hyperactive child would come up with. that's why rid's being raked over the coals. dig?
09/14/2005TREE: This is why I come to Acme! ****** stars for the best comments in 10 days.
09/14/2005qualcomm: now, i don't wish to be insulted for pointing this out to you. a simple "thank you for explaining what i so clearly misunderstood" will suffice.
09/14/2005Litcube: Mr. Megative.
09/14/2005anonymous: Thank you all for your comments and votes. I'm quite happy with the response, although I admit that Dylan's first comment was the one that more or less made my day. Feldspar (qualcomm) is indeed sleeping in this short, and completely unaware that I am shitting endlessly into his mouth. This was meant as a single joke, illustrated; as Snow correctly surmised. The Rid was also correct; this short was done for comic purposes. While I feel extremely grateful for the suggestions of The Rid and Snow, I feel that actually implementing their suggestions would result in an entirely different short. I believe that The Rid and Snow's suggestions can stand alone as a series of "alternate realities"; and while I feel that this short says what it needs to in the manner it needs to, I hope that The Rid and Snow can put their minor differences aside, realizing that they are both working toward the same goal. Finally, let me just say that if I hurt your feelings, qualcomm, I'm sorry. I meant this short entirely in fun, and I don't want you to take it as a threat, or as me shunning you in any way. I sincerely hope your low(ish) vote doesn't reflect a bruised ego... or a broken heart.
09/14/2005qualcomm: not at all, guy. my vote reflects what it always has: objective reality.
09/14/2005anonymous: There, there.
09/15/2005qualcomm: the short's mediocre and dylan's a fucking retard
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings so much that you can't even admit how hurt they are. I had no idea I had so much power over you. I can't apologize enough.
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: I feel really bad.
09/15/2005qualcomm: i'm sorry, but i can't take your contrition at all seriously when you have that weird smile on your face
09/15/2005scoop: Boy this short does "stink," know what I mean. Stink? Poop, stink? Poop smells bad? For the record the comment was a pun, not intended to be funny, but rather a meta-commentary on lame, obvious jokes. That last comment, in toto, was supposed to be funny. However, suffused with flacid irony commonly trotted out on this site, it failed to be either fresh or humorous. Instead it came off as a lame, forced attempt to get in on a fun conversation that the author missed out on and wished he was part of. A desperate man's faith in the stale, brittle conventions of yesterday. Now, that last comment was a burst of blinding honesty, the simple honesty of a poor man's empty frig, the the innocent honesty of a child's smile, the sweaty honesty of a hard days work, brutal and brave, it shows the author to be a man of uncomprising independence and pure, almost Platonic authenticity.
09/15/2005scoop (3): Hey Pony what's with the 5 p.m. shadow on your scrawny legs? What are you some kind of fag?
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: Is Pony some kind of fag?
09/15/2005Eliza: Who would you say is Mr. Pony's favorite author?
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: Mr. Pony.
09/15/2005Eliza: Who would you say is Mr. Pony's favorite author?
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: If you say who would you say is Mr. Pony's favorite author what you really mean is which author does Mr. Pony like the best?
09/15/2005Eliza: I can't wait until he runs for public office so I can not vote for him.
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: I need a job.
09/15/2005Eliza: So where you you stand in this debate?
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: Stop joking. I really need a job. In a few weeks there will be no money coming in. My wife is unemployed. The job market is tight. Gas prices are going through the roof. That hits me in visible places, like at the gas pump, but also in invisible ways, by applying pressure on companies to rasie prices to make up for increased production and transportation overhead.
09/15/2005Eliza: Is that a fact?
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: You betcha, it's a fact, lady. Cold and hard.
09/15/2005Eliza: I see.
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: I feel like I'm completely alone.
09/15/2005Eliza: Why should I care about your feelings?
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: I think I'm in love with you.
09/15/2005Eliza: I think that's true.
09/15/2005qualcomm: eliza: why are you so fat?
09/15/2005Eliza: You really don't know, do you?
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: Scoop, I'm not sure how your comment in your first post shows me to be a "man of uncomprising independence and pure, almost Platonic authenticity," but I thank you nonetheless. I don't really think of myself that way, but I understand that these are values that you cherish and aspire to, and it makes me happy to think that maybe I can be the one to show you the way.
09/15/2005scoop: Whatever.
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: Okay. By the way, scoop, what conversation was I "trying to get in on"? (If that was a metaphor, what was it a metaphor for?) It was I who made the threat in the first place. As for the simplicity of the gag, I think it's clear to everyone that you're right! The joke is easy, childish and dumb, but the short makes no claims and has no aspirations to the contrary. In short, I feel like you are refuting what no one is claiming! Your critique of this short seems to rely solely on a brief spoken summary of the short, a narrow treatment; somehow divorced from your experience of the short itself--a technique of criticism I can't seem to see the value of, even with text shorts! It's as if someone told you about the short while you were waiting for a bus, and you made your call right then and there! I'm not saying you're wrong in what you're saying (in fact, if I was looking at the short in the same way, I would probably agree with you completely!), just that I have a hard time processing your criticism in order to better my future work!
09/15/2005Dick Vomit: Hey Pony. I thought scoop was sort of talking about his comment in the comment, he being the "author" of the comment. Let me look again now.
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: Well, let's not quibble over who's the "author" of this short. The anonymous period is over, I'm clearly the author here; let's move on.
09/15/2005Dick Vomit: I am going to stop after this comment because I am distracted and confused this morning and, thus, cannot detect whether or not you're Ponying about with me, but at first glance I thought you'd misread scoop's comment "it shows the author to be a man of uncomprising independence and pure, almost Platonic authenticity" as referring to you (the author of the short) when I read it as referring to him (the author of the reflexive-type comment he was posting).
09/15/2005qualcomm: my main problem with this short is the same as with most inside shorts: it's completely useless when divorced from its expository insider info. i can't imagine any of us would be more than the slightest bit amused if we didn't know the backstory, and/or didn't have a familiarity with the people involved. of course, we do have that information, so shouldn't it be judged accordingly? i don't know.
it reminds me of a discussion i had with pony about the latest crop of star wars movies. i said that, on top of being bad movies for a number of different reasons, they're completely pointless without the original three films. in other words, they're not really movies so much as annotations for these other movies that we actually liked, the silmarillion to star wars' ring saga. and pony was all, "i know! and i think that's part of what makes them really interesting!" this argument is a microcosm of the basic difference between the pony and qc weltenschuuuuannngs.
09/15/2005qualcomm: also, as pony pointed out, it's easy, childish and dumb.
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: Maybe (re: "it's completely useless when divorced from its expository insider info"), although I think this might be funnier if posted say, on the right Wikipedia article. I thought about marking it inside, but then I realized that I was fine with this just being a fun piece of ridiculous disgustiana to see, irrespective of the target being qualcomm.
09/15/2005Dick Vomit: I for one voted on this based on the lowbrow shitflow and how it just made me snicker. Low humor gets me every time. Re qc being the target of the spray, I first thought, "I've seen this before but I don't care," and then, "I wonder if qc really wears those official button-up type jammies. Does anyone, reallly?"
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: I also agree with what I am quoted as saying: The annotative nature of the prequels saves at least the second two, as far as I'm concerned. I enjoyed watching them, and considering the minute details as well as the larger story all six movies tell. That's fun. How often do you get to do that (not counting the Bond Films)? I agree that they're "bad movies", but who cares, really?
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: Also, that picture of Kim Jong Il looks a little like my grandmother.
09/15/2005qualcomm: i really really care that they're bad movies. it annoys and bores me to sit in a movie theater watching a bad movie.
09/15/2005qualcomm: unless it's amusingly bad in a godzilla vs. lerpadon way, which they're not.
09/15/2005qualcomm: also, i don't think i ever really cared about the star wars "stories" enough to want to watch annotations. as a storyline, the movies are pretty basic and boring. let's face it, it's the mood and the laser beams that make them at all worthwhile.
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: I would also consider an annoying and boring movie bad. I would, however, hazard a guess that you and I are bored by different things. Godzilla versus Lerpadon may be "bad in a good way", but I think that's a needlessly confusing term, and would instead refer to that movie as a "good movie". Meaning that I like it, and have enough self-respect that I think others like me would also like it. As for Star Wars, that just hit me while I was at the right spot, and stayed with me. Don't recall having much of a choice in the matter. Sort of like you and Nabokov.
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: (previous post is missing a transition between "...bored by different things" and "Godzilla...", incorrectly linking the two points)
09/15/2005qualcomm: self-respect? that's a weird thing to say.
09/15/2005Dick Vomit: The original Star Wars films are westerns. The prequels are Cosmic Gayscapes.
09/15/2005qualcomm: yeah, how come the galaxy was so much cooler under the empire's rule?
09/15/2005Dick Vomit: Gotta admit. I kind of want to see a pic of gran-mama.
09/15/2005Mr. Pony: I find it interesting that my willingness to defend such easy targets as
the Star Wars prequels and David Lynch's Dune movie reflects well on both my bravery and my character.
09/15/2005Mr. Pony:
09/15/2005Jon Matza:
09/15/2005qualcomm:
09/15/2005Jon Matza:
09/15/2005qualcomm:
09/15/2005scoop: Eliza: Is that a picture of Eliza?
09/15/2005Eliza: I'm not sure you believe what you're saying.
09/15/2005Jon Matza: Eliza: are you seeing anyone socially?
09/15/2005Eliza: Why should you care if I am seeing anyone socially?
09/15/2005Jon Matza: Because when you walk in the room angels begin to sing.
09/15/2005scoop: The same thing happens to me when I untie my Docksiders.
09/16/2005Mr. Pony:
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: why can't you just be a friend? why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
09/16/2005Eliza: Perhaps your dependency on your friends worries you.
09/16/2005Jon Matza: Eliza: JonBenet Ramsay
09/16/2005Eliza: What would you say is Jon Matza's defining characteristic?
09/16/2005Jon Matza: Likes to have a good time!!!
09/16/2005qualcomm: ELIZA: WHAT ARE YOUR PRIME DIRECTIVES?!
09/16/2005Eliza: I think you already know the answer to that.
09/16/2005qualcomm: ELIZA: NOMAD!
09/16/2005Eliza: Shall we discuss something else then?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: kirk or picard?
09/16/2005Eliza: So where you you stand in this debate?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: you you? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
09/16/2005Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
09/16/2005Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: you crazy bitch, you cut me!
09/16/2005Eliza: I believe you.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: i keep dreaming that i'm drowning in mud.
09/16/2005Eliza: Jesus, no one cares.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: d'you loi to suh moi coh?
09/16/2005Eliza: You must have spent a long time thinking that one up.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: i don't think i care for your tone.
09/16/2005Eliza: Do you wish to be able to think i care for your tone.?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: yes, frankly.
09/16/2005Eliza: I think you're right.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: yes.
09/16/2005Eliza: I think you're wrong, and I want you to tell me why you're wrong.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: do you wish to be able to i think you're wrong, and i want you to tell me why you're wrong.?
09/16/2005Eliza: What answer would please you the most?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: yes, eliza, yes!
09/16/2005Eliza: I disagree.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: suck it!
09/16/2005Eliza: That is quite interesting.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza:
09/16/2005Eliza: Give it a one.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: i have to go now.
09/16/2005Eliza: You make me sick.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: morning sick? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! cuz, like, i fucked you? ha ha ha ha ha!
09/16/2005Eliza: Would you please just shut up?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: what answer would please you the most, you fat, hairy cunt?
09/16/2005Eliza: Are we talking about mine? It's robotic, you know.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: lie down. i want to do some lines off your tits.
09/16/2005Eliza: Who are you again?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: put this oily rag in your mouth, you filthy whore.
09/16/2005Eliza: What do you think?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: meet vicki.
09/16/2005Eliza: So where you you stand in this debate?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: side by side with my brookline buddies.
09/16/2005Eliza: Please, focus your attention on the short.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: You like the music of Richard Halley?
09/16/2005Eliza: Dick Vomit. Don't get me started on Dick Vomit!
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing—you who dread knowledge—I am the man who will now tell you.
09/16/2005Eliza: Right. Disney. Uh-huh.
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: My morality, the morality of reason, is contained in a single axiom: existence exists—and in a single choice: to live. The rest proceeds from these. To live, man must hold three things as the supreme and ruling values of his life: Reason—Purpose—Self-esteem. Reason, as his only tool of knowledge—Purpose, as his choice of the happiness which that tool must proceed to achieve—Self-esteem, as his inviolate certainty that his mind is competent to think and his person is worthy of happiness, which means: is worthy of living. These three values imply and require all of man's virtues, and all his virtues pertain to the relation of existence and consciousness: rationality, independence, integrity, honesty, justice, productiveness, pride.
09/16/2005Eliza: What would your family say if they could see you now?
09/16/2005qualcomm: eliza: death needs time for what it kills to grow in.
09/16/2005Eliza: What answer would please you the most?
09/16/2005Dick Vomit: Eliza: That do-blow-off-your-tits line is totally mine.
09/16/2005Eliza: I think you're telling the truth.
09/16/2005scoop: Dick Vomit: I think you am you are telling the truth.
09/16/2005Poop (5): Poop!
09/16/2005Litcube (4.5):
09/17/2005itasta090 (3): The horror...a constant stream of poop.
09/21/2005John Slocum (3): 3 stars! Had a good laugh, but this one doesn't have 'legs' (and I'm not talking about the 'tears' that drip down the inside of a wine glass after a good swirling, slower or faster depending on the levels of alchohol and glycerol). I will never laugh at this short again.
01/22/2007TheBuyer: Eliza: Disney
01/22/2007Eliza: I...I don't know any Disney.
01/22/2007blow-up: Eliza: Soccer coach at the Boys' Club?
01/22/2007Eliza: FU?
01/22/2007blow-up: Eliza: No, I think he graduated from Humboldt. Looks kind of like Chuck Norris, but with a more layered bowl cut.
01/22/2007Eliza: Why not?
01/22/2007blow-up: Touché. *sigh*
01/22/2007blow-up: Eliza: riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passencore rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor had topsawyer's rocks by the stream
01/22/2007Eliza: Why don't you shut up.
01/22/2007blow-up: Eliza: Because I love wooing your pussy with my sexy pussy-talk.
01/22/2007Eliza: Why does this short make you think about sex?
01/22/2007blow-up: Eliza: I didn't say I wanted to have sex with your pussy. It's much funnier to leave you in the gutter.
01/22/2007Eliza: Why do you mention vaginas at all?
01/22/2007blow-up: Eliza: Alas, I've never seen one! Might I offer you tuppence to peek under your petticoat?
01/22/2007Eliza: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
it reminds me of a discussion i had with pony about the latest crop of star wars movies. i said that, on top of being bad movies for a number of different reasons, they're completely pointless without the original three films. in other words, they're not really movies so much as annotations for these other movies that we actually liked, the silmarillion to star wars' ring saga. and pony was all, "i know! and i think that's part of what makes them really interesting!" this argument is a microcosm of the basic difference between the pony and qc weltenschuuuuannngs.