Barry, wife Lynne, and daughter Dawn were all sitting around the dining room table stuffing food up their asses.
"Where's your brother?" Lynne asked Dawn.
Dawn rolled her eyes, "Oh gross, I bet he's up there masticating."
___
Later that week, son Jack brought a girl home to meet the family.
"Mom, dad, we're gonna have a baby," Jack said firmly.
Lynne was concerned, "Will you marry?"
"No," said Jack, "We're gestating."
Date Written: April 27, 2004 Author:TheBuyer Average Vote: 4
Comments:
05/3/2004Will Disney: Strong opening sentence.
05/3/2004anonymous (3): I have been trying to work that into a conversation for a month, Thank You AcxmeShorts for realising my dream.
05/3/2004anonymous: Nothing? What a letdown.
05/3/2004John Slocum (4): I liked this although I can't decide if it makes sense. Many of my favorite shorts here don't make a lick of sense, but then they don't necessarily try to. This one here seems to be a short that is trying to make sense. There's a symmetry above the line - the family at the table where they should be masticating are shoving things in their assesl, while jack (I assume) is upstairs where he should be shoving things in his ass but is masticating. I thought that was funny. Problems below the line. Inclined to 3 stars, but an extra one because this is better than not having anyone vote on it.
05/3/2004scoop (4): I think a major flaw is the use of the word "ass". Yes, that's right ass. Everything else is scientific--masticating, gestating-- so the invocation jars the tone in a bad way I think. But I like the break in the narrative and the shift to next week. And what SLow-Cum said about the making sense thingy.
05/4/2004TheBuyer: I used asses because I after playing with phrases including, but not limited to:
-were pushing turkey into their rectums
-cramming stuffing into their anuses
-packing their assholes with goodies from the blender[I like that one, actually]
I thought that stuffing food up their asses was more of the opposite of masticating and made the pun funnier.
Yes John, this short does make sense if you read it out loud. Masticating sounds enough like masturbating [hardee-har-har, I know but I DID give it three] and gestating sounds enough like just dating.
05/4/2004John Slocum: aha, now that's funny and I'm a big dummy for not getting it. Seriously.
05/4/2004TheBuyer: Better now huh?
No told-you-so or editorial implied, I'm glad these jokes were not wasted.
05/4/2004TheBuyer: ...packing their assholes with goodies from the blender...I almost want to go back
06/14/2004Pix (4):
01/24/2005Pusher Robot: UNF UNF UNF UNF
01/24/2005Litcube (4): PFffffft... PFfffft...
01/25/2005Daphne: The first half was funny. The second half, not so much! I wish I knew why.
-were pushing turkey into their rectums
-cramming stuffing into their anuses
-packing their assholes with goodies from the blender[I like that one, actually]
I thought that stuffing food up their asses was more of the opposite of masticating and made the pun funnier.
Yes John, this short does make sense if you read it out loud. Masticating sounds enough like masturbating [hardee-har-har, I know but I DID give it three] and gestating sounds enough like just dating.
No told-you-so or editorial implied, I'm glad these jokes were not wasted.