AcmeShorts

Times were tight. EBITDA was way the fuck down, and the LinkPig had only 10 minutes left in his lunch break. Going forward through midtown foot traffic, he felt a jag of pain with each step. It was his anus; a large tranche had been lodged there ever since last week's "all hands" meeting. "CAGR," LinkPig muttered, "Must achieve CAGR for 2004E, 2005E and 2006F."

A bike messenger (human/female) cut through the crowded crosswalk, startling the LinkPig from his fiduciary revery.

"Not exactly what I would call best practices," he thought, glaring after her fast-diminishing form.

He briefly yearned to commit an act of shocking vigilantism, but the LinkPig's superpowers were no good outside UBS headquarters' protective, life-giving exoskeleton. And then, the female's powerful, throbbing hams agitated old LP's loins, haunting them for hours to come, until, at 6:55 PM, having successfully graphed a particularly complex backdoor listing, the LinkPig clocked out on an ergo break and deposited a hot batch of his own Paste Special into the still, Sanor-Systemed waters of the men's lavatory.
Date Written: April 20, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.2222
Comments:
04/23/2004 scoop (5):
04/23/2004 Will Disney (5): who hasn't had this day? especially the paste part.
04/23/2004 Dylan Danko (4): This short has moved me to start attacking odors at their source.
04/23/2004 John Slocum (3): This doesn't seem so impressive to me. 5 stars? Acme-by #'s this is.
04/23/2004 Jon Matza (4): Nice work, LinkPig. Sweet Sanor. Shocking misspelling of reverie.
04/23/2004 qualcomm: it's a legitimate variant spelling, jerk.
04/23/2004 Jon Matza: Sure it is, brother. You must have been thinking in musicological terms.
04/23/2004 Benny Maniacs: I would have given good ole' the Lerpa a five on this shit, but Scoop's short from yesterday had the link trick thing fresh in my mind already. He possibly even stole that trick from the Lerpa. But still, that Voldo fucker stole your ancient Sumarian technology, therefore, the trick is now his. Plus I didn't get "LinkPig". Anybody?

P.S. I can't fucking log on Disney!

Love, Maniacs
04/23/2004 Will Disney: What ? You can't what ?
04/23/2004 Mr. Pony: Is he a LinkPig because he makes a lot of links? Is his name intercapped because he works at a computer? If I read this on a different day, will I feel different about it?
04/23/2004 Benny Maniacs: Sorry Disney. I logged on.
04/23/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Okay, okay, not bad. There's some real nice work here.
04/23/2004 mr.coffee (4):
04/24/2004 TheBuyer (4): I'm a nihilist, I don't beleive in tranche.
04/24/2004 Tiddlycove (5):