AcmeShorts

A large Conch shell passed me by, followed by a halogen desk lamp. But the Japanese rock, one that Mary, my babysitter, had been using as a paperweight for her homework, struck its intended target – my left collar-bone. Offended, I decided to dig in behind the couch and stand my ground. I was well protected, and at the same time had a clear view of any incoming projectiles.

Seeing my advantage, Mary decided to increase her offensive putsch – she grabbed a chair from the kitchen, and before I knew it, she had flanked me via the couch. Perhaps I wasn’t as well fortified as I had thought: she swung, she struck – I buckled. I suffered rib damage as well as a painless but messy laceration to the head. Now was the time to unleash my secret weapon!

I drove the letter-opener home into her sternum, and watched as she began trying to contain the gushing vermilion – an obvious sign of tactical desperation. Mary then retreated into the foyer and vainly attempted to rethink her strategy, but the loss of oxygen to her head made this act unproductive at best. Her defenses were down, she had no control over the situation; she had obviously been defeated. Victory, and all her glory, was mine.