AcmeShorts

With an admirable disregard for public opinion, Dylan and Jon Frenched at the bar.

"Ugghhhh, I need a drink," Dylan groaned, unsure where the night was leading.

"You need more than a drink, you need Uncle Toad's Wild Ride, if you know what I mean... and I assume you do... you know, sex!" Jon inched toward Dylan with little hops of his bar stool, firmly tweaking Dylan's testicles on each little landing. "Publican, publican!" screamed Jon. "Bring us two more sexes on the beach."

"That short-short you wrote about me was pretty harsh," Dylan muttered as he twirled the pink umbrella in his spent drink.

"You know you like the rough stuff."

"In bed, yes. In literature, no."

"The pen, being also a phallic symbol, is no more powerful than the sword."

Dylan was willing to accept this explanation.

The drinks came, but Jon's plan was stalled. Though he had slipped Dylan rohypnol (aka GHB, aka 'ruffies', aka 'the date rape drug') in his last drink, it hadn't kicked in. Now Jon only had two pills left and it was nearly last call. In desperation, he dumped the rest of the ruffies into Dylan's drink.

Dylan took a swig.

"Ugghhhh... tastes like ruffies. Those don't work on me. No matter how many I take, I never get raped." He downed the drink and ordered another.

Jon's love only burned the hotter.

Date Written: February 5, 2003
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4.5
Comments:
04/15/2004 Will Disney (5): ha! funny because it's true.
04/15/2004 qualcomm: pity about that last sentence.
04/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Yeah, The Lerpa's love doesn't burn it festers. Incidentally, readers will be pleased to learn that rohypnol (aka GBH etc) does indeed work on Dylan. Just in case anyone out there feels like raping me.
04/15/2004 scoop: If I did it would be no worse, morally, then, say, punching you in the face. Depending on how hard of course. Of course! Right, right, right.
04/15/2004 Dylan Danko: This is a reference to something, right Scoop? Do you still want to rape me? My parents are in town this weekend but I'm free next week.
04/15/2004 Ewan Snow: Ha!
04/15/2004 scoop: None of the old in-out in-out for me, brother, especially with the old M and P about. Wouldn't have it, not a bit. Many appy polly loggies, my droogie, for Bog as my witness, none offense was intended and, I hope, none incurred. But a nice tolchock in your grahzny guttiwuts would be real horrorshow.
04/15/2004 Mr. Pony: Yes, and if we bypassed the EPS conduits and diverted warp plasma directly to the deflector array, and, we just might be able to generate a stable warp field around engineering, which would block the chronoton particles, and disrupt the temporal anomaly! If only we could get to the Jeffries tube access hatch in cargo bay three!
04/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Ok let me get this straight. No one wants to rape me? Is this right?
04/15/2004 Mr. Pony: Dude, I think most of us here know exactly how well Rohypnol works on you.
04/15/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: It's like you're Jabba the Hutt or something. MMM-Jabba.
04/15/2004 John Slocum (4): I tried not to like this short, but, in the end, it's a very good short; solid, firm-tannined structure; strong mid-palate; dense and concentrated fruit, all balanced so it's 'light on its feet.' Very well vinified.