AcmeShorts

It was just like any other drug deal.... We went over to this coke-head pot dealer guy's house after school. It creeped me out that he was a 55 year old man at home that time on a week day. My friend said he was always coked up at home because the hospital accidentally killed his son and they paid out big time for their mistake. Having that knowlege made the visit that much more precious.

The windows were blacked out with some kind of space aged material and I could tell what he was going for - a futuristic 'trip' den. We've all been to that house before, cat piss smell, too many black light posters, etc. etc. But this guy was a super genius of trippery I could tell. He decided to hang up the black light at the very top of the room, for FULL effect. Not only did it highlight the posters but every stain of wicked cat piss was highlighted for all to see.

Little did we know jabba the wife was in the back room. My hot young ass being in her house had upset her. Especially since her husband ATTEMPTED several times to place his bald head betwixt my bossom. She waddled to the garage and spun out the mini-van, right over her husband's feet, breaking both of them. My friend grabbed the sack and we bailed. Never will I forget you cat piss coke head guy, never....

Oh how we laughed!
Date Written: February 24, 2004
Author: annebot
Average Vote: 3
Comments:
02/24/2004 anonymous (5): yes I do know that guy.
03/2/2004 annebot (5): I just *love* me.
03/3/2004 Benny Maniacs (2): It didn't seem concisely written or particularly funny.
03/3/2004 Jon Matza: The author's hard sell self-promotional campaign predisposes me against it, tongue in cheek or not. Poor form, old chap.
03/3/2004 Mr. Pony: Hard sell? It just seems sort of bizarre.
03/3/2004 qualcomm: yeah, you're misreading these self-votes i think, matza. no one could possibly think self-promotion of this kind would actually work.
03/3/2004 Jon Matza: I acknowledged it might be tongue-in-cheek. Whatever. Irritating whatever its purpose was...you didn't think so? In my opinion, the subtext of most pre-emptive author self-commentary boils down to "I'm going to make a public display of not taking this whole thing seriously in case I get criticized."
03/3/2004 qualcomm: yeah but she's a girl. maybe she's scared. girls get scared.
03/3/2004 Jon Matza: In theory I may agree, friend. But look at the comments and ratings this author's been dispensing willy-nilly. Not that I mind, believe me, but in my book they cancel out the kid glove treatment one might be tempted to extend to new authors, females and other presumably fragile types. To sum up: this short's passable, but the author's chipper persona needs work.
03/3/2004 qualcomm: yeah, but what if she's good-looking?
03/3/2004 Jon Matza: That would be so hot!
03/3/2004 Will Disney: hey, be nice to annebot!
03/3/2004 anonymous: Obviously the "authors" are incapable of having bias-free, gender-neutral discourse. Jimson aside, this is nothing more than a little boys club replete with bra-snapping commentary and crotch-rubbing wit. This is [censored] for crying out loud!
03/3/2004 anonymous: Two thousand and fucking four!
03/3/2004 qualcomm: anon-b? please supply your gender, race and religion so that i know how to respond to you.
03/3/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Ha ha. I'm the token. Free from reproach.
03/3/2004 Craig Lewis: Annebot: please list your measurements. C-cup? D? I need to this information in order to cast an informed vote.
03/3/2004 anonymous: I'm a beautiful, talented nubian princess, Jon Feldspar!!
03/3/2004 anonymous: "Capitalism is not wicked or cruel when the commodity is the whore; profit is not wicked or cruel when the alienated worker is a female piece of meat; corporate bloodsucking is not wicked or cruel when the corporations in question, organized crime syndicates, sell cunt; racism is not wicked or cruel when the black cunt or yellow cunt or red cunt or Hispanic cunt or Jewish cunt has her legs splayed for any man's pleasure; poverty is not wicked or cruel when it is the poverty of dispossessed women who have only themselves to sell; violence by the powerful against the powerless is not wicked or cruel when it is called sex; slavery is not wicked or cruel when it is sexual slavery; torture is not wicked or cruel when the tormented are women, whores, cunts. The new pornography is left-wing; and the new pornography is a vast graveyard where the Left has gone to die. The Left cannot have its whores and its politics too."

Andrea Dworkin

03/3/2004 Dylan Danko: Yuk! This room has a really fishy smell!
03/3/2004 Will Disney (4):
03/3/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey Anonymous User B, I'm not sure it's cool to lump all the authors together like that.
03/3/2004 qualcomm: everything in that dworkin quote assumes a callousness toward female suffering that, at least in my demographic, just doesn't exist on any widespread level. the quote is fucking stupid.
03/3/2004 cuntry: is this supposed to turn people on? it seems designed as such.
03/3/2004 qualcomm: hey, cuntry's right! i have a boner this very moment! it's hard and long! hard and long! skinny, though.
03/4/2004 annebot: Do you really think this story is about me? The assumptions made in your comments are hilarious, guys are so messed up. Have any of you touched a *real* girl other than your mommy?
03/4/2004 scoop: My mommy is a woman, annebot. ALL woman.
03/4/2004 annebot: riiiiiight, why go out for hamburger when there's steak at home?
03/4/2004 qualcomm: annebot, the only person who implied the short was about was cuntry, a woman.
03/4/2004 Mr. Pony: I've never touched my mommy.
03/4/2004 scoop: DON'T SPEAK OF MOTHER!!!
03/4/2004 scoop (3): By and by, I like this annebot's moxy. I think she should be encouraged to keep contributing, despite her screwball willy-nilly voting and her speaking of Mother.
03/4/2004 anonymous: Jon Feldspar, your patriarchal demographic is precisely what the quote is addressing. The fact that you haven't noticed it is a condemnation of your phallo-centric little world. I didn't organize 20 nationwide Take Back The Night rallies in order to put up with your archaic chauvinism!
03/4/2004 qualcomm: are you sure you didn't?
03/4/2004 anonymous: Ok fine! I'm all worn out. Someone lubricate my vagina!
03/4/2004 scoop: Whatever coward.
03/4/2004 anonymous: I'm using the anonymous feature to this lame site in order to convey the sense of "aloneness" women like me feel in a society so torn asunder by its victorian value systems.
03/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Also to make safely gross generalizations about people you feel are making gross generalizations. Cheers!
03/5/2004 anonymous: I think the content speaks for itself. Male hegemony is so entrenched that the simple whiff of a female presence is an invitation to a beheading!
03/5/2004 ?: is anon_user_b ELENA?
03/5/2004 annebot: "Jon Feldspar: annebot, the only person who implied the short was about was cuntry, a woman." Short was about was what? Use your words!!!!
03/5/2004 qualcomm: the missing word is "you". put it where you know it should go.
03/5/2004 anonymous: I am not Elena but I represent everything she stands for!
03/5/2004 annebot: methinks there is a tad o' shadiness here........
05/20/2004 TheBuyer (3): oh how I lauughed. I love comments. Also I have some kind of new rash inside my mouth; it must be true what they say about strange cock. No one reads these things, right?

This short was a good story that was very poorly related. I have faith annebot, that you can edit! giv'er!
02/16/2005 Mr. Pony: Is it fair to say that anon_b had a bit of an agenda here?
02/16/2005 Phony Millions (3): anon b is transparent by my lights: showing his or her true colors the first time with the feminist tract, then poking fun at it,so as to situate him or herself above reproach - the ironic defense-posture. But: if you invest the time to pull out the quote from Dworkin and type it out, it means you read it and it resonated with you on some level. Two people dissed Jimson as well here, imo.