His grandfather leaned over from his hospital bed. “I used to sail the big seas, I did. I ate Vitamin C, goddammit. And now I’m dying of the Big C.”
“What’s that, grandpa?”
“It’s cancer, you idiot. In my balls, no less.”
“Anything else, grandpa?”
“With a C? Uhhh, no, I don’t think so. Well – there’s cunt. I always liked cunt. That starts with a C.”
“Anything else, grandpa?”
“Jesus Christ! Isn’t that enough for you, you little shit?”
Date Written: February 10, 2004 Author:Will Disney Average Vote: 4.1
Comments:
02/19/2004anonymous (4):
02/19/2004Phony Millions: Disney?
02/19/2004Jon Matza (4): For those who didn't understand this short, sailors often ate citrus fruit because the vitamin C prevented scurvy; hence the term "Limey".
02/19/2004anonymous: Good explanation, Jon!
02/19/2004Jimson S. Sorghum (4): yeah, thanks. We always look to you for expertise on everything.
Cute short.
02/19/2004qualcomm (4): tee hee
02/19/2004Dylan Danko (4): Hows about Coon?
02/19/2004anonymous: yeah, or cooter, or chooch.
02/19/2004Texxx (4): If he's a sailor, how about chlamydia?
02/19/2004Will Disney: Or Crabs or the Clap. Or HPV or Genital Warts or heck, whatever!
02/19/2004scoop (4): Or Christmas! What about Christmas?! It starts with C too. All those wonderful smells, like nutmeg! And the surprises! I love surprises. Or colostomy bag! That starts with C and all those wonderful smells, like nutmeg! And the surprises...
02/19/2004Dylan Danko: Yeah but what about Coon?
02/19/2004anonymous (4): Shouldn't the last line have read, "Isn’t that enough for you, you little cocksucker?”??? The C theme would thus have been extended; the short would have assumed the shape of a snake eating its own tail; and we would have experienced the same sickening, intoxicating vertigo as the reader of Finnegan's Wake, who arrives at the end of Joyce's great tome only to realize that its final words --"along the" -- lead the reader directly back to its first -- "riverrun": the novel is a kind of whirling vortex -- a labyrinth of mirrors -- from which the reader, ultimately, has no escape. If you'd BOTHERED to write "little cocksucker," your short could have been like that, too, you dumb cunt!
02/19/2004anonymous: you know, i actually about that. but then i decided against it. grandpa's out of C words.
02/19/2004scoop: Oh I got it, anon_user_a! How about C for Coward.
02/19/2004anonymous: actually *thought* about that
02/19/2004Texxx: Hey anon_user_a, here's the labyrinth you desire. But not to take away from this short. This short is top-notch.
02/19/2004Ewan Snow (4): This one's grown on me throughout the day. At first I wasn't all that crazy. Now I am all that crazy.
02/19/2004qualcomm: wow i coulda swore this was a snowshort. guess it's a disney-job, just as evans predicted.
02/19/2004Jimson S. Sorghum: Hee, hee. Scoop's funny.
02/20/2004Dylan Danko: Of course it's Disney. Looks like Feldy's in a slump.
02/20/2004qualcomm: yeah, i am. when evans guessed disney, i thought, sure, could be. but the exclamations of "you idiot" and "jesus christ," while universal, really rang snowish to me.