“Mmm yeah,” Dagoberto muttered to himself as he glanced at the blue 1” Avery Heavy-Duty EZD View Binder with Locking Rings on page 465 of the 2004 Boise Office Supply Catalog. “That’s what I’m talking ‘bout.”
He slowly inserted his bulbous thumb into his mouth and swirled it across his tongue. A seemingly endless trail of saliva glistening under the newly installed fluorescent light fixture followed his digit as he slowly withdrew it from his oral cavity. With his freshly moistened finger, Dagoberto flipped the page.
“Aw shit baby.”
The Avery 5-Tab No Pocket Worksaver Plastic Insertable Tab Dividers practically cried out to him. Dagoberto’s glasses began to fog up as his antiperspirant caved under the torrent of sweat flowing from his armpit.
“Isn’t preparing the delivery tracking report such a drag,” chided Alfonsine from the neighboring cubicle.
"I don't know," replied Dagoberto as he secretly resolved to bash Alfonsine's skull in with the blue Swingline 767 Executive Full Strip Stapler on page 921.
Date Written: February 2, 2004 Author:Dolemite Average Vote: 4.3
Comments:
02/13/2004anonymous (4):
02/13/2004Will Disney (5): god, this is disgusting!
02/13/2004Dick Vomit (4): Four stars for Alfonsine.
02/13/2004Texxx (4): Man, too many details!
02/13/2004Craig Lewis (5): Yessssss.
02/13/2004Noah Simple (4): Correction: the blue Swingline 767 Executive Full Strip Stapler is on page 922. The green one is on 921. But good use of the word "bulbous".
02/13/2004Jon Matza (4): Another strong effort by Dolemite!
02/13/2004qualcomm (4): point off for "oral cavity".
02/13/2004Dolemite: Would you have preferred "oral fissure" Feldspar?
02/13/2004qualcomm: yes!
02/13/2004Dolemite: Despite my newfound ability to edit my own shorts after they are published, I won't. So you're SOL.