AcmeShorts

HotLA6969: Mmmm... my pussy is so wet!

[Ewan_Snow has entered the chatroom]

Ewan_Snow: Hello, chaps! I was pontificating today whether Tolstoy's long-winded opus, War and Peace, is the most contrived novel I have ever read. I wonder why so many people esteem the author as a visionary when his writing is so obviously formulaic.

CabanaBoy: Oh man. Rub it, baby.

Hunny_at_home: You still there, lover? The kids are gone and I need it.

STUDXXX: Oh yeah hunny. Squeeze ur nips. i'm so hard.

Ewan_Snow: Is this not the MENSA chatroom?

HotMama: MWF, 49, still hot, bl/blu, 2 kids

[Ewan_Snow has exited the chatroom]

Date Written: January 31, 2004
Author: Slappy White
Average Vote: 3.6667
Comments:
02/4/2004 Slappy White: OH THE IRONY!! Mr. MENSA Ewan Snow thought he was entering the MENSA chatroom, but he's SO DUMB that he went into the MILF chat instead. ZING!
02/12/2004 anonymous (5):
02/12/2004 Jon Matza: Why does Slappy pre-emptively comment on his own shorts(eight days ago, in this case)?
02/12/2004 Slappy White: Same reason George W. Bush left the national guard with a billion years left in his service -- I couldn't wait.
02/12/2004 scoop (4): Nothing personal, Ewan, I just relish Slappy's longing to hit rock bottom. There's a certain symmetry to it I admire. And an extra star for sheer audacity. There's almost a performance art quality to this one.
02/12/2004 Will Disney: Where is this chatroom, by the way?
02/12/2004 Jon Matza: You couldn't wait to make a public display of not taking your own work or others' reactions to it seriously? Why?
02/12/2004 scoop: Good point, Will. I feel masturbating to this site would be enjoyable.
02/12/2004 Slappy White: Thanks, Scoop, you got it. Basically, the last few weeks, this was a type of performance art, using some people on here as props, a role which they fell into willingly. It was pretty fun, now I see why Andy Kaufman enjoyed screwing with people this much. The thing I was frankly surprised at was how defensive some people were, after lecturing me not to be so defensive. Anyway, ok, I'm done here now that I had my fun. I bid you all adieu!
02/12/2004 qualcomm: like Q from Star Trek TNG, the godlike slappy has descended to our mortal plane and taught us all valuable lessons in his inscrutable, puckish way. farewell, slappy, farewell. godspeed on your interdimensional journey back to the whigga continuum.
02/12/2004 Ewan Snow: I hope this doesn't mean Frankenstone's coming back.
02/12/2004 Jon Matza: Slappy's triumph of surreality has made me question all my assumptions and sent a seismic shockwave through one tiny little corner of acmeshorts!
02/12/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): Good idea with the chatroom format.
02/12/2004 Lenny (4): I certainly don't want to condone this sort of thing, but, uh, points on for "squeeze ur nips" and points off for not using "dat azz" in your swan-song, Slappy.
02/12/2004 throg (4): I'm sure this short is gonna cause a stir, but I liked it. I would have omitted the Mensa line though. I liked it better when I thought his "pontificating" was his way of getting off. And Snow's dialog could have been a bit stronger.
02/12/2004 Dick Vomit: MASTER! MASTER! Master of puppets is pulling your striiiiings!!! [guitar solo]
02/12/2004 anonymous: Slappy, before you go please explain more. We are all intrigued.
02/12/2004 scoop: Slappy, your sudden departure reminds me of my first break-up. I would rush home every day, pull out my favorite album gently place the needle and close my eyes... "Was it something I said or something I did Did the words not come out right Though I tried not to hurt you Though I tried But I guess that's why they say Every rose has its thorn Just like every night has its dawn Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song Every rose has its thorn" Saddle up, sad cowboy. Reckon its time ride.
02/12/2004 Lenny: Great Metallica reference. Actually, "Richard", I've heard Slappy prefers to be known as the "Pastor of Muppets".
02/12/2004 Dick Vomit: Only my mother, Janet Vomit, calls me Richard. P.S. This short is cock.
02/13/2004 Mr. Pony (2): Performance art. Kaufman. Yes. Mmm-hmm. Sort of obvious, in a Thurston Howell III sort of way.
09/28/2004 The Fonch: You are all being played by Cuntface and Joe Frankenstone.

Signed,
The Fonch
09/28/2004 anonymous: What an interesting place to post!
09/28/2004 anonymous: So you say, anon_b, and so it is.
09/28/2004 TheBuyer: So what is this really, the same guy with two or three names, or two guys with one name each, or did anyone spend the thinking energy to figure it out?
09/28/2004 TheBuyer: (also, I'm anon_c and missed out on the earlier drama of february)
09/29/2004 The Finch: If TheBuyer is anon_user_c, then anon_user_b is either Mr. Pony or Litcube, neither of whom is The Fonch. Professional courtesy prevents me from commenting on The Fonch's statement.
signed,
The Finch