AcmeShorts

Chipmunks scattered out from under Satan’s pick-up as he sped down the dirt road to his summer dwelling; a Swiss Chalet type of condo in Killington, VT. He day-dreamed that he, The Devil, had something akin to ultimate power. Like in that movie "Angel Heart", or what have you. But instead of his garage door being opened by his telepathic willpower, he had to stop the truck, get out, heave open the door, get back in the truck, pull in, and his desire for a cinematic entrance had vanished.

Pulling the e-brake in his garage, Satan let the radio play, singing along with the last few lines of “Whiter Shade of Pale”. He yearned deeply for a better, more complete life. He couldn’t possibly be destined for this dreary mediocrity - he was Satan, after all. Yet here he was.

Maybe there was something better awaiting him in the afterlife.
Date Written: January 21, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 4
Comments:
01/27/2004 Joe Frankenstone (5): Poor Satan. He always had to work for everything he got, goddammit.
01/27/2004 Texxx (4): At least he wasn't singing along to Bachman-Turner-Overdrive. So I don't feel that badly for him.
01/27/2004 Ewan Snow: Texxx, I think you meant that you didn't feel that bad for him. As for the short, I liked the idea and feel of it, the banality of evil vibe, but it wasn't quite laugh out loud funny.
01/27/2004 Dylan Danko: Technically, Ewan is right but "feel badly" is widely accepted by grammarians and linguists alike.
01/27/2004 qualcomm: yes, please, let's not start correcting grammar. that's homo, and i hate homo.
01/27/2004 Dylan Danko: at least not grammar in the comments.
01/27/2004 qualcomm: yeah, that's homo, and i hate homo.
01/27/2004 Texxx: Snow, how about taking the foot off the gas for a minute? I was trying to be complimentary here.
01/27/2004 Ewan Snow: Where I come from, people would get their asses kicked in about five seconds flat for saying, "feel badly." But that's just the way I was raised. Sorry, but I happen to like homo.
01/27/2004 scoop (4): I'd give this 3.5 stars but theres no half-star function. I too liked the workaday frustration of evil incarnate, but it lacked anecdotal specificity which would have put it over the top. Maybe if Satan's wife made goddam casserole -- again. Or something. I love homo - girl-on-girl homo! the kind in which attrctive woman lick the aureole of one anothers breast, gently touch respective vulvas, and so on. I find it all very interesting.
01/27/2004 Lenny (4): I see you've been to the same Killington that I have. Bravo. I always knew satan lived there - I just kept running into his cousins, I guess. Just out of curiosity why wasn't Satan driving a used Saab? Or an Audi? But I agree w/ Scoop - if I could I would have given this three-and-a-half stars.
01/28/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Hey, wait a minute, Feldspar. Just a day or so ago you were correcting my grammar.
01/28/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Homo.
01/28/2004 qualcomm: oh, jimson, consistency is the hobgoblin of something or other.
01/28/2004 qualcomm (3): as for the short, 3 stars. the precise opposite of my scoop appraisal, see above. this one has a good idea at its center, but the execution is lazy.