AcmeShorts

Captain Kangaroo eyed his erection with suspicion.
“What do we have here,” he muttered, with a lilting-baton-twirling-turn-of-the-century-Irish-cop accent. “You’ve got the right to remain silent, see,” he barked, continuing with the charade.
He read his erection the rest of its rights with a buttered fist. But quick.
It was 15 minutes until rehearsal.
Date Written: January 21, 2004
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 3.7
Comments:
01/28/2004 anonymous (4):
01/28/2004 Joe Frankenstone (4): A moving tribute. But I think he goes from "lilting-baton-twirling-turn-of-the-century-Irish-cop" (great phrase) to Edward G. Robinson. I know I'VE accidentally switched masturbatory voices, and it's no fun. Bravo to the Captain for fighting through that shit.
01/28/2004 qualcomm (3): the language and execution are good, the situation is just too unsurprising and contrivedly "transgressive." mr. rogers took an apple-corer to his favorite puppet's hindquarters, Yahweh humped a cloud, etc.
01/28/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): Exactly the type of shit that needs to be stopped.
01/28/2004 senator (4): The first line set me up. Then it got obvious. However, how can you go wrong with a buttered fist?
01/28/2004 Texxx (4): 'Buttered fist.' Nicely done.
01/28/2004 Dylan Danko: Does butter work better than other lubricants?
01/28/2004 Mr. Pony (3): It should be said that scoop posted this several days before Captain Kangaroo died. Therefore, it is not inconceivable that this short, or at least its title, caused the good Captain's death. One star off for killing an American icon.
01/28/2004 Will Disney: Wow!
01/28/2004 Jon Matza: Pony is right, and here's the bitterest irony of all: the protagonist is obviously a thinly disguised version of the guy who played Willie Whistle. Scoop has some explaining to do...
01/28/2004 senator: I'm skeered now. scoop's shorts have the ability to kill?
01/28/2004 annebot (3): A short cannot kill you if you find a safe place, that's right honey just zone out and find a safe place in your head, it will all be over soon....
04/1/2005 Front (4): Childhood fantasies abound.
04/1/2005 Ewan Snow (4): "What do we have here?" Captain Kangeroo as "baton-twirling-turn-of-the-century-Irish-cop" is funny. Qualcomm, I think this is way better than the two examples you gave. But I'm surprised you didn't call rip-off of your Sean Connery short? Also, hi scoop! Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. (Was that too flighty?)