AcmeShorts

What trouble! Dylwan Matzpar had pissed himself again. In his sleep. But no matter - an exciting day awaited.

His good buddies had left him, just yesterday, with a copy of the latest Tijuana Bible they had constructed out of papier mache.

But mind you, this was no ordinary Tijuana Bible. How crude! This was a book of words, one by which Matzpar could become consumed, and, more importantly, aroused.

Matzpar slowly pulled the book from between his toes, where it had been lodged - a quite charming hiding place.

"Dylwan! Dylwan?" His mother called from downstairs. Breakfast already? He was definitely, definitely, definitely moving out this month. Definitely.

Just then, he caught a glimpse of his profile in the mirror. The slight hunchback that had burdened him all his life was beginning to disappear, comparatively speaking, in relation to a developing paunch that heretofore caused nothing but anxiety. But today...was a new day. Somehow his looks provided a feeling of dignity. This was new, and quite exciting. And certainly his compadres would agree.

Dylwan was smart. He knew that based on the rave reviews of his friends. Each succeeding book of his making had induced in them a quicker orgasm than the one before.

I know what you're thinking - but don't be so skeptical. They timed it.

In preparation for reading the latest installment from his good pals Feldsko and Snowt, as was his wont, Dylwan took the unlit corncob pipe from his desk and began working it into his rectum.
Pipe...ass...bingo.

As he gently dislodged the pipe, he accidentally grazed his crotch with the tip of his elbow, creating an altogether different but similarly interesting sensation.

And thus, Dear Reader(s), literary history was made. Today would be a 2 story day.