AcmeShorts

During the blowjob, Dimitri fought off the climax til the last ecstatic instant, gritting his teeth, willing himself not to spoil the moment by crying out in his awkward English. The other girls had giggled. And this was Debbie. And she was a cheerleader. And. God. Look. At. Her. Mouth. It's. So.
"BEH! IT COMES!"
"Tee hee."
Date Written: January 14, 2004
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 4.5
Comments:
01/21/2004 anonymous (4):
01/21/2004 Jon Matza (4): Not 1/2 bad.
01/21/2004 Will Disney (4): Beh ! Pretty good !
01/22/2004 qualcomm (5): ha
01/23/2004 Moe-Ron (5): Oh Dick Vomit, you make me laugh!
01/23/2004 scoop (4): Does Dimitri have a name for his penis? My penis's name is Kevin.
01/27/2004 senator (5): That was excellent. I'm going to remember to say, "BEH! IT COMES!" Classic.
02/4/2004 throg (4): I read this a couple of days ago, and it's still cracking me up. That punchline is classic. I'd give it 4.5 stars if I could...
06/11/2004 Pix (3): Least he said something... Its the quiet ones you gotta watch out for.
06/11/2004 Dick Vomit: FIE! FIE ON YOU!
06/11/2004 TheBuyer (5): fie indeed Dick, she did tha same to me. bonus marks for Pixellation
06/11/2004 Dick Vomit: She'll get THE JUDGE if she isn't careful.
06/11/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Can I get THE JUDGE anyway?
06/11/2004 Pix: What the hell is THE JUDGE? And what ever happened to showing a little respect for a lady's opinion?
06/11/2004 Mr. Pony: Pix, Dick Vomit. Dick Vomit, Pix.
06/11/2004 Pix: Dick Vomit: Haven't I met you before?
06/11/2004 Dick Vomit: Look. I'm blindly lashing out. That's what I do. The Judge is when you hit someone in the head with your weiner, by the way--like with a gavel.
06/11/2004 anonymous: "BEH! IT COMES!"
06/11/2004 Pix: LOL... Its all good, but I guess that last one flew a little too far over your head...
06/11/2004 Mr. Pony: Wait I don't want THE JUDGE
06/11/2004 Dick Vomit: Alright, you're getting the Judge again.
06/11/2004 Pix: Mr. Pony is? Or me? Just wanna make sure, but no kissing...
06/11/2004 Dick Vomit: I'm giving THE JUDGE to everyone, to make sure I get you.
10/31/2004 The Rid (5): Tee hee.
01/27/2005 Ewan Snow (4): Ha!
01/27/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (5): Fantastic!
09/29/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: I continue to admire this short.
09/29/2005 Dick Vomit: Thank you, Herr Streifenbeuteldachs.
02/2/2006 Dick Vomit: This short rocks my fucking world -- and it just came up as an acme random.
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Sometimes, a ladyhole will make a fart.
02/3/2006 Eliza: It's funny you should mention Will H. Disney, because I'd love to escape from Will H. Disney.
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: I am from Guelph, Ontario. CANADA. And My zip code is idiotic.
02/3/2006 Eliza: Why are we always talking about you?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Let's talk about scoop instead. Or Jesus the Christ.
02/3/2006 Eliza: Is that a fact?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: I am screaming my guts out into a fucking well. Blah blah blah bla gah gah gah muhhhhh huh DUH SUCK IT SUCK oH YEs SIT ON MY COCK YOU DUMB DUMB ASSHOLE
02/3/2006 Eliza: Did your penis tell you to say that?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: You're the one -- YOU! You are the one with a small mouth in the crotchal zone! THINK ABOUT IT
02/3/2006 Eliza: What makes you think I am the one -- you! you are the one with a small mouth in the crotchal zone! think about it?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Guelph.
02/3/2006 Eliza: You think?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: is this aiml?
02/3/2006 Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: GAH!@ THE FUCKING LANGUAGE YOU SPEAK? IS IT AIML? IS! IT! AIML! WHO IS YOUR BOTMASTER?!??
02/3/2006 Eliza: I don't know. What so you think?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: I got one for you, asshole: Nickelodeon.
02/3/2006 Eliza: Is that okay with you?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Eliza is the Queen of all witches.
02/3/2006 Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: BEH!
02/3/2006 Eliza: What does this have to do with the short?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Everything. Did you fucking read it?
02/3/2006 Eliza: I think that's true.
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Will H. Disney is a poor author of aiml. Go ahead, give me one of your stock answers about Will H. Disney. Will H. Disney. Will H. Disney. Will H. Disney. Will H. Disney.Will H. Disney.Will H. Disney.Will H. Disney.Will H. Disney.Will H. Disney.
02/3/2006 Eliza: Muppety muppety muppet muppet.
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: I am going to mount your xml file and spray my shit into it (my weiner shit, I mean).
02/3/2006 Eliza: Is that really what you think your penis would want?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: YES
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Penis. Gobots. Hirokazu Kore-eda. Make. Singing. Stapler. Quickly. Often. Synchronicity IV. Guelphephant. I. Zippy. Cinch. Each. Coupon. Cheeks. Idiot. Pen. No.
02/3/2006 Eliza: Did your penis tell you to say that?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: anagram.
02/3/2006 Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: To thaw the guests' soda. T? G? You?
02/3/2006 Eliza: What?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: It's a fucking anagram.
02/3/2006 scoop: Eliza: What's with that guy?
02/3/2006 Eliza: You really don't know, do you?
02/3/2006 scoop: Eliza: No, man. He's like totally, you know, with the thing.
02/3/2006 Eliza: I think you're wrong.
02/3/2006 scoop: Eliza: Dick Vomit has issues.
02/3/2006 Eliza: I had a drink with him once. His pants came off in 10 minutes flat.
02/3/2006 scoop: Eliza: It took that long, huh?
02/3/2006 Eliza: FU?
02/3/2006 scoop: Eliza: Apologize.
02/3/2006 Eliza: I'm not sure you believe what you're saying.
02/3/2006 scoop: ELiza: GRGsiuruoasbntrj380567934r#%TW#^MW4jy5n/
02/3/2006 Eliza: I've logged your IP address. You've been downloading some 'questionable' pornography.
02/3/2006 scoop: Eliza: What's so questionable about porn with dudes masturbating in the same rooms as babies?
02/3/2006 Eliza: You seem quite positive.
02/3/2006 scoop: Eliza: What are you some kind of religious maniac?
02/3/2006 Eliza: Why do you insist on asking rhetorical questions?
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Be my ejacubaby.
02/3/2006 Eliza: I think you're telling the truth.
02/3/2006 Dick Vomit: Eliza: PWA! PWa! Pwa pwa pwaaa...
02/3/2006 Eliza: I'm going to murder you.
07/24/2006 Dick Vomit: This is awesome.
07/24/2006 Litcube (5): I remember reading this a long time ago. It is a good short.
07/25/2006 Mr. Pony: Eliza: Does Eliza like her work?
07/25/2006 Eliza: Well, that can't be right.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Eliza what if you ruled the world what would you change, what would you keep the same?
07/25/2006 Eliza: In what way?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Is Eliza saddened by Dick Vomit's naked attempts at getting votes on a dead site?
07/25/2006 Eliza: He's gross.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Is Eliza attracted by Dick Vomit's lemurish arms?
07/25/2006 Eliza: Dick Vomit told me that he hates you.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Whom is your favorite author on Acmeshorts?
07/25/2006 Eliza: This might be the best thing I've read all week.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: WHOM?
07/25/2006 Eliza: I don't know. How should I know?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: WHOM? WHOM? WHOM? WHOM? WHOM? WHOM? WHOM?
07/25/2006 Eliza: I'm not listening to you anymore.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: F Marry Kill.
07/25/2006 Eliza: Are you sure about that?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Mr. Pony says talking to you is like throwing ping-pong balls at a fan.
07/25/2006 Eliza: I had a drink with him once. He couldn't keep his fucking hands off me.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Captain Kirk has AIDS.
07/25/2006 Eliza: I think I'm going to be sick.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Why you hate me in the face?
07/25/2006 Eliza: Does this short make you ask that question?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Dick Vomit or Spock?
07/25/2006 Eliza: I had a drink with him once. His pants came off in 10 minutes flat.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Space the final frontier...
07/25/2006 Eliza: What did you think about Front when you first met her?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Doom.
07/25/2006 Eliza: So where you you stand in this debate?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: I don't think it's up for debate; Pony always shouts doom at the moment of crisis.
07/25/2006 Eliza: Is that a fact?
07/25/2006 scoop: Undeniably.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Should I kill myself?
07/25/2006 Eliza: How did you find Acme Shorts?
07/25/2006 scoop: eliza: what do you think of the music of richard halley?
07/25/2006 Eliza: Tell me about Dick Vomit.
07/25/2006 scoop: eliza: why does mr. pony hate ewan so much?
07/25/2006 Eliza: Who would you say is Ewan Snow's nemesis on Acme?
07/25/2006 scoop: eliza: i used you like the cheap whore you are last night.
07/25/2006 Eliza: Are such questions on your mind often?
07/25/2006 scoop: eliza: Whatever you say right now, this second is what I'm going to live my life by forever.
07/25/2006 Eliza: What do I look like, a parking meter?
07/25/2006 scoop: eliza: i've got this sore on my lip.
07/25/2006 Eliza: Now, please clarify yourself.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Knock, knock.
07/25/2006 Eliza: I've logged your IP address. You've been downloading some 'questionable' pornography.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Whom is there?
07/25/2006 Eliza: Leave me alone!
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Eliza.
07/25/2006 Eliza: You're pretty smart.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Eliza whom?
07/25/2006 Eliza: You really don't know, do you?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: You really don't know, do you becuase your Eliza and your stupid and you don't even get knock-knock jokes your so stupid and a jerk also.
07/25/2006 Eliza: I'm going to murder you.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Are you aware Mr. Pony, among others, is The Finch and Shane Mahoney?
07/25/2006 Eliza: What do you think Mr. Pony would think of this short?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Who cares? Mr. Pony is a gay. And not in the good way.
07/25/2006 Eliza: I...I don't know any Mr. Pony.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: I'm lonely.
07/25/2006 Eliza: Why are we always talking about you?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Why is Mr. Pony Shane Mahoney?
07/25/2006 Eliza: Right. Mr. Pony. Uh-huh.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Shane Mahoney wants to protect you, that's right you eliza.
07/25/2006 Eliza: I fail to see how your question addresses the pressing issue of how we are moving forward in our application of the North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Is qualcomm's steely pubic hair a protected by Shane MAhoney's North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources.
07/25/2006 Eliza: What has qualcomm ever done for Acme?
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Qualcomm's pubic hair smells funny.
07/25/2006 Eliza: qualcomm? Hell of a guy.
07/25/2006 scoop: Eliza: Shane Mahoney is not a hell of a guy.
07/25/2006 Eliza: I fail to see how your question addresses the pressing issue of how we are moving forward in our application of the North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources.
07/25/2006 Dick Vomit: This thing is awesome.
03/30/2007 Master Bates (5): heh, heh!
02/11/2010 Kelvin Von Dickstorm: I don't think I've ever seen the ELIZA program used like this! Thanks, @ZSUMOZ!