AcmeShorts

"Numbers are down for July...and this concerns me." I paused to steal a glimpse of my reflection in the glass doors behind the conference table, noting with pleasure the anxious facial casts of my audience and how my right leg, dramatically perched on the mahogany table, emphasized the immaculate crease of my suit. Otherwise motionless, I slowly swept my expressionless gaze across the assembled department heads and senior partners, who, predictably, were struggling to conceal their fear. I decided to give them a dose of what they wanted.

From my breast pocket I pulled out a silver case, carefully holding it so that the engraving of my initials above the company logo would be visible to the onlookers. I then swiftly removed the garrote it contained, turned towards Leonidas, who sat immediately to my left, slipped it over his neck and, pushing off the table for leverage, choked him to death, nearly lifting him to his feet in the process. When it was over, I silently counted to ten, giving it time to sink in. Next, I burst into tears to show that I really "had a heart" and had only done it for the good of the company. Gradually the hardened faces surrounding me turned from contempt into sympathy, and soon I was being respectfully consoled. Within a day, as I had predicted, the term "getting Leonidasized" was being used humorously around the office.

Date Written: before 2002
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 4.5
Comments:
before 2002 anonymous (2):
08/20/2003 anonymous: not that i don't agree that most of seder's shorts are five star quality, but really, mister disney, shouldn't finklestone be reprimanded or at least, censured, for his disingenuous voting? after all, if you look at the time between his votes, it's clear he didn't even read seder's material. that's just inexcusable.
08/21/2003 Will Disney: 'in my judgement, both parties have legitimate complaints here. However, frankenstone's comments are inarguably out of place because they do not relate to the shorts in question. My decision is to remove those comments and the votes associated with them, and to leave all other comments on, and to ask everyone to consider this a closed issue. It'll take a day for the author vote changes to go into effect. Thank you, drive safely.
01/17/2004 scoop (5): I was just telling Craig down at Accouting that I thought the Colts were going to tatally "get Leonidasized" by the Pats in the big game.
04/2/2004 scoop: Hey everybody! Read this! And ask yourself, "3.67?"
04/2/2004 qualcomm: yeah what a bullshit vote. some of you cunts have some explaining to do.
04/2/2004 anonymous (5): I'm sorry, Dillweed.
04/7/2004 qualcomm (5):
04/7/2004 Dylan Danko (5): yeah
09/3/2004 John Slocum (5): Yes!
09/21/2004 scoop: This thing is totally Kodiak.
09/21/2004 qualcomm: it's Hawkins
09/21/2004 Jon Matza: I daresay you may be intending to refer to the Hawkens brand, brother? NGHNGH?!?!!!
07/21/2005 Benny Maniacs (4.5): The whole thing is randy.
01/29/2013 Mr. Joshua (4.5):