AcmeShorts

Winona Hilton was the hottest chick in my grade school chess club, the Good Knights. You may have heard? No? As chess nerds we learned our sexin' the hard way, playing doctor. Since it was Vagina Appreciation Month I wanted to muck up her monkey-hole really, really good. I'd heard sex was cool! I unzipped my straining boyhood pronto. Behold! I locked the door and carefully put my monocle in its protective leather casing. "Let's get to work, slutty chess girl!" I sweetened the deal with a flick of my Hello Kitty pez dispenser. Soon we were doin' it. There, done. "OK, bitch, where's the baby? I want to start beating it immediately." "Oh, Shawn, you're an animal. That's so hot!" "I wish I could say the same about your Latvian defense, Monica. It's flawed."
Date Written: January 19, 2007
Author: Master Bates
Average Vote: 3.75
Comments:
01/22/2007 blow-up (4): I laughed out loud.
01/22/2007 qualcomm: this short is like one of those girls who resembles a hot girl. this short resembles something funny. the jokes feel too calculated, and too slavishly acme. writing's fine, but it feels empty to me. i think the whole chess club element is a mistake. chess nerds are kind of an old target, aren't they? not that old targets are necessarily off limits, but come on, retards are intrinsically funny at least.
01/22/2007 blow-up: I think qualcomm wrote this pseudonymously. Only qualcomm can make qualcomm feel so empty inside.
01/22/2007 TheBuyer: I don't think it's an author parachute. They tend to not use "No?" as a sentence as per this
01/22/2007 Litcube (3.5): But this is a different usage, no?
01/22/2007 Master Bates: Wow! VAM!
01/22/2007 anonymous: Maybe the Monica/monocle thing confused you, qualcomm. I urge you to read it again.
01/22/2007 TheBuyer: qualcomm hates women, is it possible to make it two men? not for gayness for misogyny.
01/23/2007 Klause Muppet: I'm missing something right?
01/23/2007 Litcube: You have been for a while, my dear friend.
01/23/2007 Klause Muppet: Since that's the case, can someone explain to me who Monica is? She's obviously no "Winona Hilton".
01/23/2007 TheBuyer: Who is Monica? WHO indeed, Klause.
01/23/2007 blow-up:
Klause: Monica = "restrictive type", Winona = "binge-purge type". Hopefully this will clarify things:

01/24/2007 Litcube: Blow-up, it's curious that you managed to get an image into the old user folder. I thought Disney decommissioned that some time ago.
05/10/2011 anonymous: Vam!