AcmeShorts

"Fuck! Fuck!" "What's wrong, baby?" "All these bills. It just never stops." "I know." Sigh. Somehow a stack of past-due notices always looked worse to a thousand-lense fly eye. She nuzzled him with her germy probiscus. "Sometimes you just have to slow it down and take time to smell the garbage." He pointed. "That Rottweiler across the street just shat an unbelievable treasure. Shit don't eat itself, Louise. Who's going to put crap on the table for all the little maggots--John, Zelda, Mandy, Lawrence, Horace, Chandler, Ralph Jr., Britney, Madison, Antonio, Mogo, Waldo, Warren, Serenity, the Twins, Jenny, Joe, and Dave?" "OK, baby. Look out for frogs! And bring us back a big bellyfull of liquified crap to vomit out on the table. We're starvin'!" "Yay! We're havin' poo-oop!" sang the maggots. "OK. Bye!" "Oh, and dear? For my homies on the East side of the yard, can you stop at the catbox too?" "Yuk!" said the maggots, squirming uncomfortably. Suck it up, you little bastards, he thought. Later, they did the Dirty Fly Boogy: "Yes! Yes! Fuck, yes!" "Honey! Oh, Honey! Do...you...bzzz! really...prefer...dog...poo...to cat...scat?" "Yes! Yes! Yes! 'Der Hund ist los, und der Katz ist in der Keller'. "Ja, wohl! But who ever heard of a fly speaking French?" "I don't know. Roll over and put all of your legs behind your head this time."