AcmeShorts

"In the end, life is an endless contest between your ego and pain. It is won when your sense of ego is greater than your fear of pain. It is lost when you allow yourself to be drawn and quartered on the petards of mediocrity."

"Whazzat? Wha'z petard mean?"

"I'unno."

The robot's words rang true to me. I took the shotgun out of my mouth. But how could I trust a collection of wires and vacuum tubes?

"Please step back from the ledge, sir," said the robot with perfect enunciation and no untoward pauses.

Date Written: May 15, 2002
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4
Comments:
02/15/2004 Mr. Pony: This short may feel half-assed, but I believe it deserves a second look. Maybe. It's almost like every paragraph wants to take the short in a different direction. Is it possible that Feldspar was real drunk when he wrote this? Possible, but irrelevant. You know, I really don't know what to think. I give it a three, which is right in the middle.
02/15/2004 Mr. Pony (3): Aaaand here's my three.
02/15/2004 scoop (5): I have to disagree with my esteemed Pony. No untoward pauses is good for two stars all by itself. It benefits form a distinct lack of explanation that I think the best shorts have.
02/19/2004 qualcomm: and i'd like to point out that the narrator is both standing on the ledge of a building and pointing a shotgun into his mouth. now that's comedy.
02/19/2004 Ewan Snow: What I never understood about this short was if "please step off the ledge" means "step away from the ledge" or what it seems to mean? And if the latter, how come the robot's sending such mixed messages? Or is this the (un)point?
02/19/2004 qualcomm: yeah, that's my error--- the robot's supposed to be directing him off the ledge and back into the building.
05/18/2004 TheBuyer (3): got me there too, thought the robot was some indulging some kind of oobe flying fantasy, or would have had to clean the ledge and wall behind but not the sidewalk.
08/12/2004 qualcomm: fu for threeing this, pony, buyer
08/12/2004 Mr. Pony: I stand heroically by my decision, you sniveling turd!
01/24/2005 Pusher Robot (5): Go stand by the stairs.
01/24/2005 Pusher Robot: Go stand by the stairs.
01/24/2005 Pusher Robot: Go stand by the stairs.
01/24/2005 Pusher Robot: Go stand by the stairs.
01/24/2005 Pusher Robot: I am the Pusher Robot. I push around the blind people.
01/24/2005 Mr. Pony: I'll bet my left leg that this Pusher Robot thing is going somewhere funny!
01/24/2005 TheBuyer: you're on
01/24/2005 The Rid (4): Four plus.
01/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Disney! Your lame-ass Bet on Your Friends site won't let you bet limbs! What gives?
01/25/2005 Will Disney: New version coming out soon. I wouldn't use that old one very much right now.
01/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Am I going to lose my credits? I'm fucking RICH, dude.