Jeanette was proud of Simon. It was her time to preen, these visits to the vet.
"They're actually very affectionate," she remarked, pawing at the blue parrot's head.
“How old is he,” someone asked.
“Thirty-two.”
Really? / They live that long? / Did you know…? / I didn’t know…
Jeanette beamed in the bird’s reflected glory, letting out a small dribble of urine in her excitement.
When she takes her glasses off, Simon reasoned, grinding his dull black beak. Then’s the time.
His talons gripped eight singularities into Jeanette’s sagging forearm. He squawked and shat a runny yellow stream onto her pants.
“Simon always gets nervous around other animals,” she explained. "You want to make a good impression, don't you baby?"
I will eat your eye, the malevolent dinosaur thought, his own angry white irises inflamed now. I will pluck and eat your fucking eye.
Date Written: January 6, 2006 Author:qualcomm Average Vote: 3.375
Comments:
01/6/2006scoop: I am a wee flummoxed.
01/6/2006Will Disney (3.5): otherworldly
01/6/2006anonymous: I hope I haven't given the impression that Simon is a dinosaur...
01/6/2006scoop: I thought Simon was a dinosaur.
01/6/2006anonymous: No, see, it says he's a bird there in the 6th graf. And later with his beak. "Malevolent dinosaur" was intended to underline the parrot's violent, primitive psyche. I am adding a "blue parrot" to the second graf to remedy this error.
01/6/2006Litcube: I think Simon does not like Jeanette.
01/6/2006Dylan Danko (1.5):
01/6/2006TheBuyer: Parrot issues, Dylan?
01/6/2006Dylan Danko: I'd rather not talk about it.
01/6/2006TheBuyer: Cracker?
01/6/2006TheBuyer: Sorry, that should have read "Cracker." It wasn't a question.
01/6/2006Dylan Danko: Racist?
01/6/2006TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe (4): I like this!!!
01/6/2006TheBuyer: Yes!
01/8/2006Mr. Pony (4.5):
01/8/2006Mr. Pony: Birds evolved from Dinosaurs.
01/8/2006Mr. Pony: That's right, you fundamentalist Christian jerks; evolved.
01/8/2006Klause Muppet: God is the narrator.
01/8/2006Mr. Pony: Gross! Fucking gross!
01/9/2006TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe: Um, qualcomm, I think there may be some logical "flaws" in your "short". First off, the parrot "reasoned". Second, and more importantly, birds see right through glass, so I don't think "Simon" would even think that Jeanette's "glasses" would provide a hindrance to his attack.
01/9/2006Dick Vomit: Pony: God created evolution, you fucking dumb-ass.
01/9/2006TheBuyer: That's so bullshit, God only thought up the idea but he has no follow through.
01/12/2006TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe: This timely article lends a patina of authenticity to this short!!!