AcmeShorts

August was named in honor of Caesar Augustus, and reputedly has 31 days because Augustus was a pussy and wanted as many days as that fat slob Julius Caesar's month, July. Before Augustus renamed it, "August" was called "Sextilis" since it was the month where Romans were most deceived by "love" and accidentally made babies with their genitalia. In Ireland, people are crazy and drink alcohol, and August is known as "Lúnasa" - a more sober rendition of the olde gibberish slurring, "Lughnasadh" - named after the fake god Lugh. The Irish are so drunk that August 1 in their calendar is regarded as the first day of Autumn. The Greeks don't even have two craps to give for August since their calendar, smartly, only has one month: Zeus-Day.