Dick's owner, Brian, had gotten into the porn industry, and Dick was really over it. At first, all the sex had been kind of fun. But Dick was tired of all the wasted ejaculate. He cried whenever he thought of all those needlessly spent souls. And Dick was really tired of all the fuck sores. Seriously. He wanted to yell, "DAMN YOU, BRIAN, MAKE IT STOP!!!" but he couldn't. Dick was a silent penis, remember? Of course you do.