AcmeShorts

Simone fingered her pussy, brought her fingers to her mouth and licked. *Sniff* There was no way she could put her snatch juice in the guacamole with it tasting like that. Everyone would notice.

"Honey," she called out, "Would you bring me the Avocado Cream Cooter Wipes?"

"Sure thing!" shouted Peter from the next room.
Date Written: July 26, 2005
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 3.66667
Comments:
07/28/2005 Will Disney: Will someone please let me know if this one is sexy or disgusting?
07/28/2005 Partytime: Possibly the rankness you're referring to is lady smegma, that bacteria-rich layer of coagulated discharge with a neufchatel consistancy, often found a-festering in the labial folds.
07/28/2005 Jon Matza (4): This is Shakespearean!
07/28/2005 qualcomm (3): this would have been much more amusing, and plausible, if simone had asked for lime cream cooter wipes, or better still, coriander cream cooter wipes. thank you.
07/28/2005 Benny Maniacs (3): Although always supportive of topics involving dips coupled with bodily juices, I felt that this snippet lacked a certain amount of clarity.
07/28/2005 anonymous: qualcomm, I fail to see how lime or coriander would be more or less plausible than avocado, esp. since coriander (cilantro) is purely optional.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: i'm just saying, what's the point of flavoring guacamole with avocado-flavored poon? i mean, why put the poon in there, if you're just going to make it taste like the dish's main ingredient?
07/28/2005 anonymous: By your logic, it's okay for the poon to taste like one of the secondary ingredients? Lime is not so secondary, btw.
07/28/2005 Jon Matza: Since avocado's the primary ingredient of guacamole, is the author saying lime is tertiary? [Matza receives a succession of behind the back air high-fives from imaginary pals]
07/28/2005 qualcomm: i'm saying it's okay only if the poon tastes like anything but the one essential ingredient, yes.
07/28/2005 TheBuyer: So wait, is poon juice an ingredient that is meant to add something to this product or is this woman a fucking nutter and is going to feed her guests poon in a sneaky way so that they can't tell? If it's supposed to be a value added flavour qc is right, her poony essence would be lost and buried by the already avacado-laden guac, but if she's trying to hide her poon juice she's doing the right thing.
07/28/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: I think the question we should all be asking, is why can't Simone get the dang cooter wipes herself?
07/28/2005 TheBuyer: Also, she may want to consider a Paprika Cream Wipe for subtle, mysterious tang, that will make her guests think, "Harold never has a second chip at home..."
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: It would be really great if everyone's mothers and fathers suddenly decided to join this discussion right now. I'm sure this wasn't what they had in mind when we were conceived!!!
07/28/2005 qualcomm: you mean right at the moment we were conceived? i bet they had something not too far off in mind...
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: haha
07/28/2005 Jon Matza: DO NOT TALK ABOUT MOTHER
07/28/2005 TheBuyer: Back to that vagina seasoned guac...what was she trying to do there, I'm still unclear on the concept.
07/28/2005 Klause Muppet: Klause's Guacamole

Avocados
Sour Cream
Diced Tomatoes
Diced Red Onion
Squirt of lime
Minced Garlic
Minced Cilantro
and
Klause's Secret Hot Sauce!
07/28/2005 TheBuyer: The secret, is it cunt?
07/28/2005 anonymous: I think it's a fair assessment that Simone - and Peter - are a little off.
07/28/2005 anonymous: But maybe they're NOT!
07/28/2005 TheBuyer (3): Not knowing her motivation decreases my enjoyment of this short, how do you sleep at night? Also, Streifenbeuteldachs is right, women are lazy.
07/28/2005 anonymous: Note: I appreciate Matza's first comment.
07/28/2005 anonymous: Oh, wait! The secret ingredient is poon, which adds a certain je ne sais quoi that Simone loves. However, today her twat is a little off. She therefore decides to not forego the poon, but to alter the flavor, thereby saving her personal integrity, and she uses the Avocado Cream Cooter wipes to disguise the offness of her snatch cream. Exeunt.
07/28/2005 Jawbreaker: It's avocado!
07/28/2005 anonymous: Jawbreaker, I don't know what it is!
07/28/2005 Jawbreaker: Heh!
07/29/2005 Mr. Critic (4.5): Delightfully silly. Refreshingly non-sensical.
07/29/2005 Klause Muppet: Thanks Mr. Critic. Both you and Mr. Negative are out in full force today.
07/29/2005 Kenji X (4.5): Hemingwayesque in its brevity. I saw a woman, squatting over a bowl, ready to unleash the deluge of snatch stink, pausing to asscertain if her ripeness was ripe enough. I saw, hours later, the same woman explaining to her guests in a lilting voice, "You really liked the dip? Well it's an old family recipe, but the trick is to have a clean gash." Spit takes ensue.