Troy sat pantsless on a park-bench and fiddled with his tink-tink. He jumped up when he heard the church bells, "Oh boy!" he exclaimed, "Lunchtime!"
He reached back into his asshole and pulled out a paper sack. Troy ignored the apple and went straight for his strawberry jam and butter sandwich on white bread. The jam was all soaked through the bread but Troy didn't care, he wiped his hands on the grass and dug in anyway. He shifted uncomfortably and then remembered his drinkin' box. He reached up and pulled and pulled but the little foil circle where the straw goes gave way with a pop. The drink box was pointed north and ruined his oreos. Troy finished his sandwich and started on his apple. He would try to remember to only bring soda from now on.
Date Written: July 9, 2005 Author:TheBuyer Average Vote: 1.5
Comments:
07/13/2005The Rid: Um...
07/13/2005TheBuyer: Every Troy I've ever met has kept his food in a vinyl sack.
07/13/2005Jon Matza: Enjoyed this, esp 1st graf--but why (if I understand correctly) didn't Troy keep the juice box and cookies in the same paper sack as the sandwich and apple? Seems fishy...
07/13/2005Joseph Yurndt (1): just above contempt
07/13/2005Jon Matza: Hey, Yurndt!
07/13/2005anonymous: Fake user-name revenge vote.
07/13/2005Mr. Pony: Revenge for what?
07/13/2005qualcomm: for making us read this crap
07/13/2005anonymous: The incedent. The thing is, he's got the wrong author!
07/13/2005Will Disney: I really enjoyed that first paragraph, thur.
07/13/2005TheBuyer: Author, what?
07/13/2005qualcomm: author, whom do you think joseph yurndt's alias thinks you are?
07/13/2005Will Disney: Aren't most revenge votes targetted at you, QC? I know most of mine are...
07/13/2005TheBuyer: This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the half-star here and revenge vote here, would it?
07/13/2005anonymous: Yes, it is qualcomm. I have deduced this through complicated scientific methods such as guessing.
07/13/2005qualcomm: i didn't write that first one you linked to. and no, revenge has nothing to do with my yurndt vote. i didn't know this was you (i suspected, but i wasn't sure - it could also have been benny m.), and i don't think the short is good. i think it is bad. honestly. it's a real stinker.
07/13/2005qualcomm: well, now i'm really not sure who wrote it. or laid it, more accurately. i mean, seriously, who farted?
07/13/2005TheBuyer: I thought I wrote this for a minute there, maybe I'll up my meds. You didn't write the first short that I linked to you torpedoed the first short that I linked to. Anyhow, I apologise for my revenge vote, that was a good short. f u for the half-star but still, revenge voting is bad.
07/13/2005Mr. Pony (2): I tend to agree with JY...I particularly didn't like how the potentially interesting image of cookies being soaked with apple juice inside a kid's butt was hurt by what I see as unintentional misdirection ("...the little foil circle where the straw goes..." and the unusual use of the word "north"). I do feel that something good could have been made by reconfiguring the first three sentences.
07/13/2005qualcomm: i stand by my half-star on your inside short, thebuyer. that thing is terrible.
07/13/2005anonymous: Huh, I thought all that stuff was the stuff that worked the best which makes me want to say, 'take your two stars and go fiddle your tink-tink' but on second thought, if those elemnts fail, then the whole short fails and that would be a wrong, rude thing to ask you to do - unless you were going to anyway. fiddler.
07/13/2005Mr. Pony: Fiddling!
07/13/2005Mr. Pony: Here's the thing: Using "North" to mean "up" doesn't add anything to the description. It doesn't help you get across any details about the action, or make the scene more vivid or anything. It just sort of calls attention to the narrator, who seems to have chosen an arbitrarily unusual (and possibly witty) way to say something; the way I see it. I don't hate you for it, Hawthorne; in fact, it endears me to you. I just feel it hurts your story, is all.
07/13/2005qualcomm: north means up? jesus, that's a shitty choice, author.
07/13/2005Mr. Pony: My apologies if you actually meant magnetic or geographic North, author.
07/13/2005TheBuyer: qualcomm, that one missed on a couple levels - mainly the levels which are resposible for 'quality' and the ones responsible for 'humour' but I didn't think so at the time.
07/13/2005anonymous: Great veinous thrombosis! This is what I'm saying - north, tink-tink, and drinkin' box are all goofy in the same way, you prune(s).
07/13/2005anonymous: And in regards to buyer, qualcomm and the inside short - you are invited to take your half-star-pity-party the fuck out of my office, please.
07/13/2005TheBuyer (4): ya, ya
07/14/2005Anal Sex: How does one pronounce that? Dude?
07/14/2005TheBuyer: ya, ya, you mean? ever see the movie Fargo? Like that.
07/14/2005Anal Sex: Thanks, that's been nagging at me. I had an idea in my head that it might be an alternate spelling of "yeah".
07/14/2005TheBuyer: Yes, it is, but I talk funny.
07/14/2005Nigel Griffiths: Vat yew dew, moi widdow plahm; vat yew dew.