AcmeShorts

Jesus H. Christ on a twig! I head down to Cabo for a couple of weeks to poke my scalding dong into the holes of the Innocent and what do I come back to find? A clutch of jabbering gibbons at the controls of my beloved website!

Must I flip you inside out? Gore you? Feed you cell-by-cell to carnivorous amoebas? Snap you bone-at-a-time in my twisted, boiling talons?

No.

Let me gently place my hand at the nape of your fair necks, oh Guest Authors, and urge you toward your cathode ray tube monitors and insist that you try harder. Try. For Me.

Or else, I will stuff you one-and-all into...

Date Written: May 7, 2005
Author: Great Satan
Average Vote: 3
Comments:
05/16/2005 TheBuyer (5): This is retarded in a tuxedo but I went HA HA HA like that, like fuckin HA HA HA.
05/16/2005 Klause Muppet: Must be an Author-Thing, I didn't find this funny at all.
05/16/2005 qualcomm: yeah it blows. this short is part of the problem.
05/16/2005 Klause Muppet: problem?
05/16/2005 TheBuyer: Don't get me wrong, this is stupid, self referential bullshit and wouldn't make any sense at all anywhere else in the world. In fact history will damn this as the uninspired bleatings of an idiot man-child and possibly cite it as an example of an avoidable epilepsy trigger but it caught me, I laughed like an ass like HA HA HA. You know?
05/16/2005 The Rid (1): Well, this sucks.
05/16/2005 Dick Vomit: aw, c'mon qualcomm. Quit bein' a Vadgmo.
05/16/2005 Klause Muppet: "this short is part of the problem." Can this be explained? Merci!
05/16/2005 Klause Muppet: Rid, more critiquing - less "this sucking"
05/16/2005 anonymous: This is me in Sergio's cunt!
[censored so our site doesn't get kicked offline again]
05/16/2005 qualcomm: klause: this short attacks the shitty shorts of guest month. this short is itself shitty. therefore, this short is part of the problem (the one it criticizes).
05/16/2005 Sergio: Why do people insist on being anon? Is there some fear of being reprimanded for poor taste? maybe some latent homosexual tendancies are being hidden?
05/16/2005 Klause Muppet: Thanks qualcomm. But, are shitty shorts a 'problem'? Or an opportunity to educate? Acme Shorts is open to the public and allows any John Dough to submit and be rated. Some of these guests will be experts in creative writing and others will be novices. If someone doesn't have the skill level to write a short like Matza or draw a strip like Pony, are they a “problem”? This Month is about Guest's getting Main Page Status, but I think it would be an excellent time for Authors to use their GOD GIVEN TALENTS OF WRITING and pass on words of wisdom. If a short doesn't fare well on Acme, I doubt that was the guests objective. I believe 99% of the time they are trying to submit decent work. I guess, I'm just saying “Shitty Shorts” are not a problem in my perspective. Perhaps that's just me. Sorry, if I'm speaking out of turn.
05/16/2005 anonymous: you will neverR catch me, sergIo! i've Gone completely invisible! tHere is no way you can find ouT who i really am! i have left no CLues whatsoever!!! I am safe from your Clutches forever, you dorK!!! ha! ha! ha!
05/16/2005 qualcomm: depends on what you think the purpose of the site is. as snow once said, acmeshorts isn't a workshop. maybe it has become one, i don't know. might be inevitable, as the number of guests exceeds the number of authors.
05/16/2005 The Rid: Klause: the problem that I have with this short - and guest month in general, is that the entire thing has been subpar. Instead of people writing their standard shorts, or God forbid, stepping it up a notch, the shorts have been really in-jokey or just plain bad. Now granted, I've had a hand in this too, but at this point, it's just stupid, pointless, and tarnishes the shit out out of the Acme lustre. In other words, reading shitty shorts everyday is starting to get fucking old. Is that specific enough, goddamnit?
05/16/2005 The Rid: And, since you asked, does this short really need more explanation than "This suck"? WTF?
05/16/2005 The Rid: *sucks.
05/16/2005 Mr. Pony: Klause, I'm the first to admit that I would rather see shorts generate conversation and criticism rather than simple praise or unexplained disgust. That said, if you submit something to Acme, it'll be held up to Acme standards. I mean, it has to be. Thinking critically about the work here is a good thing to be doing, but everyone would be worlds happier if we were all our own first and harshest critic.
05/16/2005 Klause Muppet: Ok. Thanks guys.
05/16/2005 Klause Muppet: Rid, I've only been around a short while, but is the Guest content during Guest Month any different than the Guest Page during the rest of the year? I mean, there are always losers and winners on the Guest page. So why would it be any different during Guest month? And I think there have been some pretty special submissions thus far from yourself, Turgid and others. Perhaps I'm looking too much into this. And Rid, I think this short deserves more than "this sucks" - I mean, check out those chawesome graphics. Pretty Sthweet Dude!