AcmeShorts

The LARGE woman entered the "Fancy Dancy" restaurant and asked the MALE Maitre d' if she could use the washroom.
”I'm sorry Miss, bathrooms are only for customers,” the Maitre d' hissed (because he was a fuck!).
“She’s with me,” I shouted, standing with fists on hips. The woman’s bull head turned towards my table. “Don’t worry dear,” I said quickly “I’ll wait for you while you go poo-poo.” She mouthed a thank you and lumbered towards the washroom.
Watching her large ass disappear behind the bathroom door, I knew I was going to get laid tonight (with Litcube's mom).
Date Written: March 25, 2005
Author: Klause Muppet
Average Vote: 2.6667
Comments:
04/4/2005 Mr. Pony: I may need to see #22 and #24 to get a better sense of why I am being shown this scene.
04/4/2005 qualcomm (3): i think it means that the woman is so large, she doesn't go #2, she goes #23. i thought this was pretty economical.
04/4/2005 anonymous:
#22

Found Mrs. Harrington's cat on 234th street. Brought it to her on a shovel so she could do a proper burial.


#24

Sat in front of Karabela's Deli for 20 minutes warning people about trichinosis infections.
04/4/2005 The Rid (2):
04/4/2005 Will Disney: She sounds like a lovely lady!
04/4/2005 Litcube: That addendum dismisses Qualcomm's theory. I’ll puzzle some more.
04/4/2005 Litcube: Disney, can we view the titles of shorts while we're viewing the shorts themselves?
04/4/2005 Ewan Snow: No, Litcube. That would make sense.
04/4/2005 Mr. Negative: I'm fairly certain this short sucks.
04/4/2005 Mr. Negative: Yep.
04/4/2005 Will Disney: Well, litcube, we don't do that around here.
04/4/2005 anonymous: Thanks Mr. Negative. Have a super day!
04/4/2005 Mr. Positive: Mr. Positive, I'm surprised at you!
04/4/2005 Mr. Positive: Cripes, I meant, "Mr. Negative, I'm surprised at you!"
04/4/2005 Will Disney: Whoops is right!
04/4/2005 Will Disney: Or rather, cripes is right! whoops would have been right!
04/4/2005 Mr. Negative: Mr. Positive, what are you surprised at? My name is Mr. Negative, you cunt. I'm not surprised at your idiocy, however. Jerk.
04/4/2005 Litcube: Ah. We don't do that around here. Ok.
04/4/2005 Litcube: Ok, author. Why is the Maitre d' hissing at someone who's already at a table? Why is the narrator standing at the table? Which woman has a bull head (if the Maitre d' is indeed a woman)? Lastly, what the fuck?
04/4/2005 Litcube: Seriously: What in the FUCK!?"
04/4/2005 anonymous: Thanks Litcube. I was afraid of this. Originally the short was twice the size but I cut it down (due to some authors preference for brevity). Unfortunately this has led to confusion among readers (YOU for example). So I will answer your questions:
1)By the Maitre d's hissing I wanted the reader to get the idea that this is a 'fancy dancy' restaurant and the Maitre d' is an arrogant fuck.
2) The Narrator stood up to bring attention to himself. Like a superhero would, with no arms or legs, getting up in the morning.
3) There is only one woman in the story and that's the woman who's asking to go to the washroom. The Maitre d' was never given a gender. I did this to avoid confusion. I failed.
4) What the Fuck is right. What the fuck.
04/5/2005 Will Disney: well it wasn't turgid!
04/5/2005 John Slocum (3): I understood this and thought it was pretty good and pretty funny.
04/5/2005 Turgid: Yeah, it wasn't, you jerks.
04/5/2005 Klause Muppet: Yeah, like Turgid wants to be associated with this piece of crap!
04/6/2005 John Slocum: how was litcube's mom (or should I ask the narrator)? Is she cute? Does she belch in public?
04/6/2005 Litcube: Oh Jesus.
04/6/2005 Klause Muppet: You like that shit, eh Litcube!