AcmeShorts

Jacob was the last to roll initiative and the first to attack. “I draw my long sword and bludgeon the Beholder with my hilt”
“You’ll need to roll a 20 to hit”
Jacob scooped up his 20die and blew three times into his fist. With a few wrist shakes he let the die roll down the table and on to the floor.
“Jesus Fuck, Jacob! You’re such a tool!” Bradnall the Dwarf barked.
“You can’t play with us anymore,” Houstyn said in his elfish dialect
Jacob’s eyes filled with tears. “Mom! I’m being exiled again!”
Date Written: March 14, 2005
Author: Klause Muppet
Average Vote: 3.6667
Comments:
03/22/2005 Partytime (5): Erk pfarttrite grouh yeqhiy!
03/22/2005 Will Disney: what was that, partytime?
03/22/2005 Will Disney: i wonder if this would have been better off without the last paragraph. your thoughts, author?
03/22/2005 Partytime: That was Elvish for "you can't play with us anymore."
03/22/2005 Mr. Pony: Gross!
03/22/2005 The Rid (3):
03/22/2005 Partytime: Pony!! Darquop drizzen thopt!!
03/22/2005 Partytime: true elven
03/22/2005 Mr. Pony: Ani cho'shev shene'seti gadol bimi chuad. Achare, etes boch'im levad!
03/22/2005 Partytime: hebrew is old school, this is the now!
03/22/2005 Mr. Pony: Um, who knew that people were so serious about the Klingon Language? Um? Hello?
03/22/2005 Mr. Pony: Hello?
03/22/2005 Litcube: Hi!
03/22/2005 anonymous: You may be on to something Disney. How 'bout this...
03/22/2005 Klause Muppet: That's much better you Childminding Twat Suckler.
03/22/2005 TheBuyer: wathn't hith mom the dungeon mathter before?
03/22/2005 anonymous: Yes The Buyer. Yeth!
03/22/2005 anonymous: Jacob’s mom peered over her DM charts. “Shut your mouth bitch, before I cast magic missile up your ass!”
03/22/2005 Litcube: Exiled, eh author?
03/22/2005 Mr. Pony: What're you guys doing?
03/22/2005 anonymous: Why did he need a 20 to hit? That seems very unlikely. Have you ever really played D&D?
03/22/2005 anonymous: Needing a 20 to hit is not unheard of -- in AD&D.
03/22/2005 Klause Muppet: Hey "anon", as your comments are anonymous, here's my anonymous answer... Fuck off!
03/22/2005 anonymous: I mean, uhm, well, good question Anon. Perhaps I should have consulted a professional first.
03/22/2005 anonymous: That's right, Cube... "EXILED!!!"
03/22/2005 Litcube (3): Ok. On the 10 star scale, this would likely receive the same 3 stars. Klause, I think this is plagued by your random bone, which is implementing too much "illogical reflex" (we just talked about this). Mom's shouting something, making some retarded outburst. Could be funny. "This is probably funny," says my brain. "But wait! It doesn't make any fucking sense. Shut your mouth bitch? The DM casting magic missile? Bitch?" This is what my brain is saying. It’s not pulling together. Anyway, I'm sounding more critical than I mean to be. My point: this would be more funny had your attention to the logical details congealed upon pour.
03/22/2005 Klause Muppet: yes, i seem to like things illogical. ("hah hah a man is slapping another man with a fish. that's silly") I see the strength of the short by keeping the last line out. If I just take out the "Mom" it will truly reflect real life... don't you think Litcube?
03/22/2005 anonymous: Hey Klause!!! Enough winks and knudges to Litcube, you Fancy-Neck Fairy
03/23/2005 Klause Muppet: Do you mean "nudges" Author?