AcmeShorts

I thought it would be safe to live next to a church, but a week after I moved in someone shot me in the neck. I went back inside, keeping pressure on the wound, but it kept squirting through my fingers. 911 had me holding for the length of some Phil Spector song. I was getting dizzy. There was blood in my throat and it tickled. When the woman answered, my voice was nearly gone. I got embarrassed and hung up.

I went back out and stood on the stoop. It was late. The pretty girl from the deli walked by. I remembered something about churches always being open, so I went next door and walked inside. There was a janitor sweeping underneath the big Jesus.

I made it down the aisle and collapsed at the pulpit. I was too weak to keep my hand over my neck. The janitor knelt down and did it for me. He had a likable face. I took solace that for him this would be memorable. Maybe even life-changing.