AcmeShorts

Reply to: anon-62083807@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-02, 4:14PM EST

ARE YOU A WOMAN PLANNING ON COMMITTING SUICIDE? PLEASE LET ME MAKE LOVE WITH YOU FIRST. It may seem insignificant to you but it would mean *the world* to me.

My promises:

* I will not talk with you or ask you any questions unless you want me to.
* I won't tell anyone you know.
* If you get upset, I will step out and give you the space you need.

You may feel like your life is pointless but to me you are a treasure that I will remember forever. I really look forward to hearing from you soon.



this is in or around Brooklyn
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



92715433
Date Written: March 4, 2005
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 3.6154
Comments:
03/15/2005 Will Disney: this seems very practical.
03/15/2005 John Slocum: I wanna rub you down wif oils.
03/15/2005 anonymous: Dear Readers, due to some kind of weird fluke in AcmeShorts, the version of this that was published this morning was a little bit out of date and there the newer one was added to my queue. DISNEY!!!!!
03/15/2005 John Slocum: I like this one, between 3 and 4 stars worth of like. It's funny.
03/15/2005 qualcomm (2): okay idea. execution lacklustre.
03/15/2005 Will Disney (4): bs, qualcomm!
03/15/2005 Will Disney: you're an angry man, qualcomm.
03/15/2005 qualcomm: i'm perfectly calm, disney. you're the one using exclamation points. why do you have such middlebrow taste?
03/15/2005 John Slocum: The brilliant line here is "* If you get upset, I will step out and give you the space you need." What a dipshit!
03/15/2005 Will Disney: calmer than you, dude. And I didn't say that you were worked up, I said that you were angry, which is not the opposite of calm. are you intending on starting another day by intentionally misunderstanding someone else's comment?
03/15/2005 John Slocum: The calmest person is often the angriest.
03/15/2005 qualcomm: oh, for a second i thought angry was sort of the opposite of calm. are you intending to go through another day with your lidless, lifeless muppety eyes etc.?
03/15/2005 qualcomm: yes, that's an incredibly brilliant line, slocum. jesus.
03/15/2005 Will Disney: calmer than you, dude.
03/15/2005 qualcomm: you're not calm. it's the guy with his hand inside your head who's calm. this is the oldest trick in the book. i can see him moving his lips.
03/15/2005 Will Disney: you mean dylan?
03/15/2005 Ewan Snow (3): funny concept but there wasn't enough to it for this gentle reader
03/15/2005 John Slocum (4): I take back brilliant and put forward 'clever,' 'wry,' funny. I laughed at this. Does anyone remember 'laughter?'
03/15/2005 Ewan Snow: Vaguely. I didn't laugh. I thought it was a funny idea when I read the first few lines, but it didn't follow up with a laugh for this gentle reader.
03/15/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): Decent idea.
03/15/2005 anonymous: This short will grow on you! You will live to regret your middling votes!
03/15/2005 Jon Matza: Funny Slocum, I just recently thought of "does anybody remember laughter" and made a mental note to use it on acme. So you can imagine the major freak out I had just now when I saw your comment.
03/15/2005 John Slocum: I *can* imagine your major freakout.
03/15/2005 Klause Muppet (4): You had me at "ARE YOU A WOMAN PLANNING ON COMMITTING SUICIDE? PLEASE LET ME MAKE LOVE WITH YOU FIRST"
03/15/2005 TheBuyer (5): Let the record show you're all wrong, dinks.
03/15/2005 John Slocum: Watch it, Canadian.
03/15/2005 The Rid (2): Weak.
03/15/2005 anonymous: TheBuyer, I applaud your vision.
03/15/2005 John Slocum: Isn't if funny how 2 different people can watch the same movie and 1 person like and 1 person not like it. But it's the same movie. There's only 1 movie, 2 people.
03/15/2005 Mr. Pony: Slocum, I can't think of better a proof that the movie in question is actually two different movies.
03/15/2005 Turgid (4):
03/15/2005 Jon Matza (3): Potentially good premise; liked first graf but didn't think it was taken far enough. I wanted the guy to be even more of a creep.
03/15/2005 Mr. Positive: It's not nice to take advantage of the severely depressed!
03/15/2005 Partytime (5): I think this is hysterical. Succinct and with each line craftily phrased. My promises, he he he.
03/15/2005 Pix: I'm confused. What does our fabulous and intimate sex life have to do with this short? PS. I really wish TheBuyer wouldn't cry so much after. I know I am great and all but its getting a little old.
03/15/2005 Pix: What the...? This comment posted on the wrong short... OOPS!
03/16/2005 Will Disney: Pix, why don't you tell *us* what your sensitive sex life has to do with this short??? Maybe we'll surmise on our own!
03/16/2005 Pix: Well? Did anyone contact you?
03/16/2005 Will Disney: not yet!
03/16/2005 John Slocum: Oh shit, this is Disney!
03/16/2005 The Rid: Despite my two-star rating of this short, I am still an unabashed Disney fan.
03/16/2005 Will Disney: Well, The Rid, I will continue to throw it against the wall and see what sticks.
03/17/2005 John Slocum: wow, that's horny.
03/17/2005 Benny Maniacs (4): Idea was strong, but the execution didn't do much more than get across the idea in a flat kind of way. Plus the fact that Disney's serious makes me give this three and a half.
03/18/2005 Litcube (4):
03/18/2005 Shomer Shabbas (4): I read this because it was a Disney; thought the title/first line/premise were great - didn't go far enough on its potential; I think this young author could make it even funnier. Would prob have been 3 stars, except want to give Disney credit for outstanding use of Lebowski in the comment section. That made today's acme experience entertaining and so 4 it is.
03/18/2005 qualcomm: actually, shomer, the record shows that i began the lebowskiisms.
03/18/2005 Shomer Shabbas: calmer than you, qc. wasn't disputing the thread's origins, just lauding disney's use.