AcmeShorts

In the murkiest depths of the Indian Ocean there lives a chilling sea monster known as the Great Fish-Beast of Calcutta.

Just exactly how terrifying is this legendary creature of the deep? Oh, not very...

...unless maybe it scares you that people who see it occasionally wind up going totally mental!

For starters, the Fish-Beast swims upside-down, which is plenty fear-inspiring in itself, n’est pas*? Granted, its body is upside-down too, so it just looks like a normal fish swimming along. But don't get too comfortable just yet...

...because it has rows of sharp teeth that can rip clean through a plankton steak in just five hours.

(Anybody scared yet?)

Too bad, 'cause the nightmare still ain't over--as you'll discover when I tell you it also kind of glows in the dark! Translation: intravenous dose of terror serum turbo-injected into the deepest part of your dread zone.

You want more? Then how 'bout this: it also has petrifying, slightly larger than average gills.

In summary, the Great Fish-Beast of Calcutta is (to put it bluntly) the most loathsome of all ocean dwellers. If you never meet it consider yourself a "happy camper"...

...because, as I say, it is very, very bad!

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* I am a fucking loser.