AcmeShorts

Andy,
I was not about to start a bitchspaz scene at Club Opus, but Mark is so full of shit when he says he never gloryholes. Skipper Jay told me about the shit that went down in the composting toilets on the Pacific Hwy. Mark T. is a fucking shit-licking merry-go-round. Not that I am going to judge his filching or anything, because of my bloodpiss thing, but it is just that if he lies to you about this shit, he is obviously going to do the same exact thing about all kinds of shit. Like, why do you think he is so heavy into faghags? Because he is a teenage bitch. He fucking holds court for these fat sorry Sallies and they go giggle-ass when he tells them about how he cheats on you. Everyone knows it, just like everyone knew it was not the smartest thing for you to date a 19-year-old from the fucking sticks. He is so roadrage! He is going to ride ten miles of rod before he settles on a hog. And that hog is so not going to be you! Also, as Raymundo tried to tell you last night, you are not sugar daddy material. And, you are not fooling anyone with your retro clothes. You cannot afford designer so you go all “Oh I’m retro”, like it means you are some kind of bankrolled? Like anyone thinks you live that something on a helpdesk salary? Is there something seriously wrong with you? Anyway, if you email me back maybe before six, we could still definitely meet for drinks.
.

cheers,

Richey Raven
Date Written: February 22, 2005
Author: BOOTIEANDTHEHOFISH
Average Vote: 4
Comments:
03/4/2005 deliciousbrains (4): I don't know why I liked this. I just did.
03/4/2005 Dick Vomit: Found object.
03/4/2005 Klause Muppet (3):
03/4/2005 anonymous: Dick Vomit, didn't you mean to put a "pro" in front of that?
03/4/2005 Mr. Joshua: DV: what about the murph-dog? yes or no? don't fuck me around on this one
03/4/2005 TheBuyer (5): guest 3. faghag is underused around here. Also, do you mean 'felching'?
03/4/2005 TheBuyer: Jesus creeping Christ on a cross what the holy motherfucking shit did I do God fucking DAMNIT!! Fuck. 3. THREE. THREE
03/4/2005 Dylan Danko: I got a feeling about the author of this thing.
03/4/2005 The Finch: I share Dylan Danko's suspicion.
signed,
The Finch
03/4/2005 The Foonch: Neither of you assholes has anything to be suspicious about.
Signed,
The Foonch
03/4/2005 Jon Matza: Don't mean to brag, but I once had a suspicion about the other of a different short. Turned out I was right!
03/4/2005 Jon Matza: "author"
03/4/2005 Partytime: This is well within the top four shorts in the running for pick of the day. Interesting study, but a bit of an arrogant and simplistic portrayal of the lifestyle. The insult-then-invite gag is effective.
03/4/2005 BOOTIEANDTHEHOFISH (4): Well exsqueeze me Partytime. But don't call it arrogant 'til you've lived my life, you stumbledrunk. For Strictly Legit Repro #36 I give myself four stars. Boots Out
03/4/2005 John Slocum: Hey guys, who do you think this is?
03/4/2005 Mr. Pony: Don't you believe Bootie, Slocum? He says it's his.
03/4/2005 Litcube: I believe you, Bootie.
03/4/2005 Dylan Danko: All I know is Bootieandthehofish is a horrible name. Really deplorable. Advise name change before proceeding.
03/4/2005 Litcube: I don't think your name is silly, Bootie.
03/4/2005 Litcube: ...Yes I do.
03/4/2005 TheBuyer: Excellent use of emoticon, emotitard. THREE.