AcmeShorts

There are a lot of cool extreme sports out there. The newest and deadliest is called "Joining FARC." You have to fly down to Colombia, sign up for FARC, and survive at least a year before you win. Oh, and you can't be Colombian, either. You have to be some whitebread American suburbanite, preferably from Southern California.

It'll be tough. You'll probably be expected to execute a couple pro-government farmers, rape their daughters, and then take down a military helicopter on top of a kindergarten. And that's like the first day's work! For real!

Later on, it gets seriously difficult. You might be asked to veil your face with a scarf and defend the ardent protesters of human rights abuses, the neoliberal economic model, and the forcible redistribution of stolen assets to the disposessed! All while staving off various jungle diseases including crotch rot (the cure for which is sunshine, by the way)!

Anyway, we're not sure what the prize is yet, because nobody has ever won.