Johnny: Mr. Carter, where you were yesterday? Mr. Carter: I was in Ireland. My plane got delayed. Johnny: Isn't that where they have those niggas with dresses on? Mr. Carter: That's Scotland. It's close to that place. Tyrell: Mr. Carter, you ever see Leprechaun in the hood? Mr. Carter: No, was it good?- Johnny: -Yo, they be faggots over there. Niggas in dresses. I seen two niggas with plaid dresses on in Times Square - those niggas be gay. Mr. Carter: It's a traditional thing over there; they wear them at weddings and- Johnny: That shit gay Mr. Carter. Tyrell: Angels wear dresses. Johnny: Angels wear robes, nigga. Tyrell: Aint no robes; robes be open up at the top. Angels wear dresses. Johnny: They be wearing robes! If they wearin' dresses, they gay too. Tyrell: The Pope wears dresses. Johnny: The Pope gay too! The Pope be molesting little kids and shit. He started all that shit. [In white guy/Pope accent:]'Come on up to my private quarters, lil' Timmy. I got to show you my vestibule. OK. Now. This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me, Timmy. Don't fight the shit, either, because it'll only hurt more. ' The Pope a fuckin faggot yo. All them niggas in dresses be faggots. Mr. Carter: OK. Back to work.
Date Written: January 4, 2005 Author:Benny Maniacs Average Vote: 3
Comments:
01/13/2005ALLAH (3): Funny, and fresh. But I felt this could have ended with "The Pope gay too!"
01/13/2005Will Disney: Carter's second response was the highlight for me.
01/13/2005John Slocum (3): best ebonics short.
01/13/2005John Slocum: Johnny seems obsessed with various people or peoples being gay.
01/13/2005Ewan Snow: It's spelled KOTTER, not CARTER. Also, with all due, respect, this short is not that "successful". I will elaborate later...
01/13/2005John Slocum: Elaborate now.
01/13/2005Dylan Danko (3): I actually thought this short was funny but have to three it for the fuck up.
01/13/2005Ewan Snow: Which fuck up?
01/13/2005Jon Matza: "[in white guy/Pope accent]" was fairly sirloin. Processing...
01/13/2005qualcomm: i like the idea of the line "Don't fight the shit either, because it'll only hurt more" being spoken by an ebonics-disabled person impersonating whitey
01/13/2005qualcomm (2): nevertheless, stop phoning it in, maniacs
01/13/2005Litcube (4): [excuse me]
01/13/2005TheBuyer: up here only the white kids talk like this
01/13/2005cuntry (2): not enough of anything.
01/13/2005Dick Vomit: Oh, TheBuyer, so I guess the kids in this short must be black, is that right? Or are you just making an FYI kind of statement? You...you racist. Plus, Canada does not have a monopoly on MTV-bred suburban "wiggers," you know, buck-o. Try Long Island, dun. Yeah, LONG ISLAND? Roosevelt Field Mall? Muh?Yeah? Wyandanch? Commack? Honda Civic Car clubs? Yeah? Fuckin' dugout rape sesh behind the high school? Fuckin' traded the mullets for the eminem look? YEAH? You still my son, muh? MUH?
01/13/2005Mr. Pony (4): It's a little Kids Say the Darndest Things, but many details made me laugh; most of which have been mentioned, but also the kids reasoning out whether angels are faggots or not. 3.5. When you think about it, kids really do say the darndest things!
01/13/2005qualcomm: i'd argue with you over this vote, pony, but you've stifled debate on acme with your militant relativism.
01/13/2005Mr. Pony: Hey, if you feel that you can't argue with me, then you've misunderstood me entirely!
01/13/2005qualcomm: no, no, what's the use.. we've all got points of view and no single one is any more legitimate than any other... we may just as well try to figure out if your yellow is the same as mine... will to live... fading... vegas nerve... shutting down...
01/13/2005Jon Matza: Christ, Pony, can't you even let qc venture one little tentative opinion without jumping down his throat?
01/13/2005Mr. Pony: Well, I admit that my ideas might sound a little silly when you totally misunderstand and misrepresent them.
01/13/2005qualcomm: okay, it's just that i think you might be being intellectually dishonest with this vote? because i know it's like, hard to give maniacs a bad rating? because he's so cute?
01/13/2005TheBuyer (3): middle ground
01/13/2005Jon Matza: QC, lay off pony. Also stop persecuting destroyah. It may have seemed funny now but I assure you it wasn't previously, later.
01/13/2005Mr. Pony: Thank you, Matza, I'm not sure why QC's always viciously attacking me for no good reason when I haven't done anything wrong at all, but I assure you, I don't deserve it.
01/13/2005anonymous: Although the show "welcome Back Kotter" was great, and was indeed what I named the teacher after, Kotter as we all know, was a Jew. I am unfortunately a Goy and had to Anglosize the name to feel genuine about it, as the teacher in this based on me. Whether or not it works is one thing, but a mistake it wasn't.
01/13/2005anonymous: Oh yeah, and the two black kids were black kids.
01/13/2005Phony Millions (4): This was funny yo.
01/14/2005scoop (2): I notice sometimes that people around here will apologize for a low vote, "sorry but X just didn't make me Y..." or whatever. I may ahve done it in the past and I was wrong to do so. I feel that you owe me an apology author. So there. I mean it feels like an anecdote, some snathc f overheard something or other, without anything new or added to it to make it funny or iteresting. I'll accept your apology forthwith.
01/14/2005John Slocum: I'm sorry, Scoop.
01/14/2005Mr. Pony: Come on, scoop, I mean, if anything at all is self-evident, it's that Kids Say the Darndest Things.
01/14/2005qualcomm: i know one thing for sure, pony: your point of view and scoop's point of view are 100% equal in every way, right down to the words and letters used to construct your comments.
01/14/2005Mr. Pony: Okay, that is so nonsensical that I don't even know if you're trying to make fun of me, or make some sort of point, or what.
01/14/2005Mr. Pony: Seuss much?
01/14/2005Ewan Snow: Benny, I was joking about the Kotter spelling mistake. (I knew you intended Carter.) It's just that it reminded me of that show, sort of...
01/14/2005Benny Maniacs (1): Sometimes I don't understand The Humor. Scoop, I apologize to any and all readers of ACME SHORTS for any spelling or typo mistakes you make.