His dick and his hand were suddenly one and the same. The old wives' tales about masturbation never came true. But this?! Who conjured this? No hairy palms. No blindness (not yet, at least). But this was the absolute worst. Let's go through the reasons why:
1. At the awards dinner Thursday night, he wouldn't be able to shake hands with the governor.
2. If he were to continue playing the trumpet, he'd have to take on some one-handed effete, Dixieland showmanship playing style. (Luckily he didn't masturbate with his dominant hand.)
3. He would now have to masturbate by grabbing not only his member, but his other hand. This was pretty weird.
4. He risked getting the as-of-yet-unencumbered hand stuck as well.
In no time, he had resumed stroking. Because that is what men do in times of desperation.
Date Written: January 3, 2005 Author:Turgid Average Vote: 3
Comments:
01/13/2005ALLAH: I thought the hand with which one masturbates is by definition one's dominant hand?
01/13/2005Will Disney: Could this really happen, though?
01/13/2005Mr. Pony: I do like that the narrator thought point three was notably weird.
01/13/2005anonymous: It did happen.
01/13/2005Litcube (4): For Disney's sake, answer the question. Can this really happen? Answer the question. A four minus.
01/13/2005anonymous: I repeat, it did happen. Therefore, it could happen.
01/13/2005qualcomm (2): the last line and the dixieland trumpeter almost bumped it up to a solid three for me. i think disney already explored this important facet of the male psyche to much better effect here.
01/13/2005TheBuyer (3): has he got enough slack to flip a person off through his zipper?
01/13/2005cuntry (3): not with his dominant hand? huh. anyway, 4 was weak and end line not wholly satisfying but good stuff at the outset.
01/13/2005Jimson S. Sorghum: Is this supposed to be Clinton?
01/13/2005qualcomm: why you say that?
01/13/2005The Rid (2): Points one and two work. The opening, 3, 4 and last line are mluh.
01/13/2005Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Come the hell on! Just come on now! Come! Two stars? Sheesh.
01/14/2005The Rid: Streif: It seems you nearly always have a problem with the way I vote. I'm not pissed; rather reflective.