AcmeShorts

I've got one hundred and sixty-three V-cards on my belt. One hundred and sixty-three maidens deflowered, cherries popped, vaginas given their first coat of primer. There are some serious benefits to being curator of the Sultan's harem.

What's that? You have to be a eunuch to get the job? Oh no, my friend. You see, I have a remarkable ability to retract my balls into my abdominal cavity. For good measure I took a 6 month subscription to "O: The Oprah Magazine". Everyone was convinced.

Now I bang honeys left and right on the taxpayer dime, and you have to clean up the sexual sludge and wipe the writhing pubes off the floor! HA!
Date Written: December 11, 2004
Author: Streifenbeuteldachs
Average Vote: 3
Comments:
12/24/2004 hagit mizrachy: Big whup. All you gotta do is blow yourself up and take a few innocent kids with you and you get 70+ virgins anyway.
12/24/2004 Will Disney: stellar point, hagit.
12/24/2004 TheBuyer (4):
12/24/2004 The Rid (5): Stellar point or no, this short is fucking funny. "For good measure I took a 6 month subscription to "O: The Oprah Magazine"."
12/24/2004 qualcomm (2):
12/24/2004 Litcube (2): Sorry, duder. I feel that in a successful shorter short, the last haymaker often exhibits exceptional refinement. In my humble opinion, the punch line here stumbles around in a drunken amble asking for a light.
12/28/2004 scoop (2): God damn it.