AcmeShorts

I used to fall asleep with my dad's arm under my neck. His weight on the bed was comfort. He sang "where have all the flowers gone" and hummed the verses when he didn't know the words.

My mother rubbed my legs with alcohol when they fell asleep before I did. She didn't sing, but she called me darlin' and made it work. We talked about the shapes on the wall. She let me run through the house naked after baths.

So, they were neck and neck. Right up until the time my dad tripped over a PlayMobile traffic cone and grabbed my mother to break his fall smashing her head through our Gucci coffee table. Shattered glass. Oriental rug. Sticky hair. Her perfect jaw.

For years, people had marvelled at the table's plexiglass top, at how 'real' it looked.
Date Written: November 30, 2004
Author: cuntry
Average Vote: 3.4444
Comments:
12/9/2004 Will Disney: What's this about the alcohol on the legs?
12/9/2004 The Rid: Hrm.
12/9/2004 Mr. Pony: There are a lot of nice things happening here, but I'm not sure what any of them have to do with the apparent punchline.
12/9/2004 John Slocum: I don't think it's a punchline. There's no joke here.
12/9/2004 TheBuyer: so who's winning now?
12/9/2004 Litcube (3): Sha-POWee!
12/9/2004 Litcube: Because, as Mr. Pony said, there really are some nice things happening here. At first, when I read the alcohol bit, I thought this (assumed) child was a paraplegic. But then(!), you got me with the "running" around naked! KaPOW! ZAPo! Kuh-CHING!
12/9/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs: BORT! ZAK! MINT! SNUH!
12/9/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): I'm having a little trouble befriending this one.
12/9/2004 TheBuyer: I feel that this short is a woman. Maybe some day I'll expand on that.
12/9/2004 Ewan Snow (4): So is the table made of real thather than plexi- glass? What was this piece of information supposed to reveal, if anything. This short has some very nice details but doesn't quite add up, I think. I'm going to give it a guest 4, becuase it's an improvement over some of the recent guest stuff, which has either been incomprehensible or worse. This seems like it's from somebody who can write well, but didn't quite get it all together on this short. Author, can you explain what you were going for with the ending or the short in general?
12/9/2004 The Rid: Yeah, I'm tempted to five this for not being written by TREE.
12/9/2004 Jon Matza (4): I hope the narrator is proud of him/herself for killing his/her mother.
12/9/2004 The Rid (3): Just doesn't work for me. For me, damn it!
12/9/2004 cuntry: Re: Ewan's questions... Childhood nostalgia through the eyes of an adult? I guess. I like that the parents are compared for their respective good qualities, and then there's the prized coffee table that turns out to be just plain old glass and the PlayMobile plastic cone that ruins the world and blurs the vision.
12/9/2004 anonymous: i don't know, i never really think when i write these things. now you've made me wonder if i wanted to kill my mother...
12/9/2004 TREE (3): I'm sure that was just an accident. Nice short by the way good reminisce but unclear ending.
12/9/2004 James K. Polk: cuntry, I also like the valuation of parents based on the quality of little memory details. But the problem with the table thing is that, in general, a glass table is more desireable than a Plexiglas(R) table, so I wasn't sure what to make of the revelation that it was, in fact, glass.
12/9/2004 James K. Polk: Also, it's important to attribute appropriate trademarks for name brand products. And it's Plexiglas(R), with one 's', not two. Andit it's a capital P.
12/9/2004 James K. Polk: Author, it is absolutely critical that you think when you write "these things". Trust me, I've found out the hard way.
12/9/2004 Dick Vomit: Oh. I read the last line to mean that for years after the accident people remarked that the plexiglass looked pretty nice and convincing -- since the original glass had been shattered by mom's face. Thus that relatives/neighbors gave a shit more about the furniture than the demise of the mother.
12/9/2004 James K. Polk: Interesting, Mr. Vomit, but the past perfect "had marvelled" seems to indicate the contrary.
12/9/2004 Jon Matza: Ummm...this is fiction, right?
12/9/2004 Dick Vomit: Grammar had nothing to do with it. Assumed error and went in search of meaning/humor.
12/9/2004 James K. Polk: Matza, your Schwepps-dry wit has no fizz. Begone!
12/9/2004 Jon Matza: Mr. Polk: my remark alluded to the author's response to my initial comment, not your discussion w/DV. But since you seem concerned with grammar, you should have said my wit lacked "Schweppervescence".
12/9/2004 James K. Polk: Apology accepted, Matza.
12/9/2004 Jon Matza: Come on, Polk. If you're going to steal my lines at least use them in applicable situations.
12/9/2004 Jon Matza: But I AM sorry about your death of cholera on 15 June 1849.
12/10/2004 hagit mizrachy (3): As a Sephardic woman, I feel a gleeful shame as the use of "sticky" reminds me of a certain cottonball I once treasured.
12/10/2004 TheBuyer (4): maybe I won't expand on that other comment except to say, if this short were a woman, it would likely have not think my car was very nice.
12/10/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Cuntry, your work here always requires a radical shifting of gears. Mental gears, that is. Also, many of your shorts smell of blenders and teak. Why is that, do you think? And really, what's this alcohol on the legs thing about?
12/13/2004 cuntry: rubbing alcohol, when rubbed on the legs, "wakes" them up. it tingles anyway. gooooood.
12/13/2004 Mr. Pony: It's cold.