AcmeShorts

Hi
The following is a list of all TheBuyer's alias's

Alice, Ass Bandit, Angel, Ass King, Auntie, Blow Boy, Bun Duster, Buttercup, Bandit, Belle, Bent, Betty, Boy, Broken-Wrist, Brown-Hatter, Cocksucker, Cake Eater, Cream Puff, Cock Queen, Capon, Cannibal, Chicken, Chicken-hawk, Closet Queen, Cowboy, Dick Sucker, Daffodil, Ducky, Daisy, Dandy, Dicky Licker, Ethel, Fag, Faggot, Fruit, Fairy, Flit, Flaming Faggot, Gay, Gayboy, Girlie, Goat Blower, Gobbler, Gonsel, Green and Yellow Fellow, Gentlemiss, Gussie, Homo, He-She, Himmer, Hen-Hussy, Joy Boy, Joey, Lad-Lass, Lisper, Lavender Boy, Light-Foot, Lily, Limp-Wrist, Lick-Spigot, Malkin, Mary Ann, Molly Mop, Miss Nancy, Meat Hound, Midnight Company, Mince, Minty, Mother, Mattress Muncher, Nance, Nancy Boy, Nelly, Nephew, One of Those, Pink Pants, Pansy, Poof, Panty Waist, Powder Puff, Pretty Boy, Pussy, Punk, Pillow-Biter, Piccolo Player, Quiff, Queer, Queen, Quince, Rear Admiral, Rear Gunner, Raving Queen, Rimadonna, Receiver, Sissy, Screaming Fairy, Sis, Soapy, Sister, Spurge, Sissy-Britches, Skin Diver, Skippy, Suckster, Sweetie, Swish, Thrid-Sexer, Three-Dollar Bill, Three-Legged Beaver, Twinkle, Twank, Twixter, Turd Burglar, Uranist, Undercover Man, Whoops Boy, Willie Boy, Wonk.


Did I miss any?
Date Written: November 30, 2004
Author: TREE
Average Vote: 1.6364
Comments:
12/8/2004 qualcomm (2):
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony (1): exactly what are you getting at?
12/8/2004 scoop (1): First off this should be an inside short. Having said that it shouldn't really be a short, but probably a goofy posting on the message board. Having said that maybe an email, so that no one else sees it but the email recipient. This kind of horse-blinder like provinciality robs Acme of a hazardous amount of effulgence, and cheapens its value in the marketplace.
12/8/2004 The Rid: What is it that we write when nonplussed? "Hrm"?
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: It is interesting to note that as many as one-third of these, if uttered by a retired Army colonel talking to his grandson, saying "I don't want you to be no _____, boy" might actually be considered funny in what passes for a date movie these days. However, listing them all in one place, in alphabetical order, seems to drain them of anything useful. Hrm!
12/8/2004 scoop: It is also interesting to note that I am stroking my cock. Hrm.
12/8/2004 scoop: Its name is Kevin. Hrm.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: i fucking hate hrm more than this short
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: But "hunh" is okay, though, right? Because you say that all the time. Also, look! According to George Carlin, Homosexual Males have the same aliases as TheBuyer!
12/8/2004 qualcomm: oooo.... you owe me a star, author
12/8/2004 qualcomm: hrm sucks. if you can't see that, maybe you should go home and play with your pet fetus.
12/8/2004 scoop: That's out of line, Qualcomm.
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: I don't disagree with you. It's just that you say something awfully close all the time. I'm not saying you're a hypocrite or anything...let's just go with the idea that you're very, very discriminating, fella.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: here's the difference: hrm is intended to be cute. hunh is basically a neutral expression of puzzlement.
12/8/2004 scoop: That was out of line Mr. Pony.
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: scoop, I agree that qualcomm's statement wasn't the sort of thing that you could catch persons of substance making, but I'm willing to let it slide this time. qualcomm, I think the fact that you find "hrm" cute is irrelevant to this discussion.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: i don't "find" hrm cute, you mindless breeder, it's objectively baggaged with cuteness.
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: "Objectively", qualcomm? Okay, if you want to say "hrm" is objectively cute, then you should have no trouble finding some hard evidence to back up that particular claim. Sorry, but that's how it works, pally. I don't make the rules. And by the way, I don't see how my choice to sire an heir has anything to do with this, any more than your bedwetting, say.
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: Take your time.
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: Listen, Champ, I gotta run, but I'll catch you later, okay?
12/8/2004 qualcomm: sorry, pony, i was on the G train, trying to keep at bay what turned out to be a stingy vindaloo doody. i was deliberately overstating hrm's cuteness as "objective" (as you know). what i meant is that most people would agree it has an arch or cute tone to it, as opposed to, say, hmm, or hunh. search your "heart," you know it to be true.
12/8/2004 cuntry (5): For the childish 'hrm' debate, not the short. It's better than Ricki Lake... "NO HE DI-ENT!! I know you didn't just say that." Keep going. I think deep seeded seeds will be unearthed
12/8/2004 Ewan Snow (1): We take plagiarism very seriously here at Acme. And we take plagiarism of crap even more seriously.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: wow, even better than ricki lake?
12/8/2004 cuntry: It could have been. You seem to have lost your fire on the G train.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit (1): What about Cock-chugger? You/Carlin omitted it.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Also, I disagree that Hrm is objectively baggaged with cute. I believe it is in fact nothing more than an internet-era evolution/amalgam of Hmm and Huh, etc. That it seems cute may be a product of internetese being associated, specifically, with online kidspeak, along with things like LOL and KEWL. Hrm.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: But what the fuck do I know? Nothing.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Assholes.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: yeah, and you also use "meh," so i think your sensors are erroneous
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: Man, you guys are all, "this is so cute," "that is so cute;" I mean, come on. Get your heads out of the Sanrio Gutter. Really, it's kind of embarrassing.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: that's a weird thing to be embarrassed by, pony. wouldn't your spastic behavior at lili's birthday party or your high cholesterol be a more appropriate trigger?
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: i'unno
12/8/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (2): One star, but a bonus for including "Lick-Spigot".
12/8/2004 Will Disney (2): hello! this is alphabetized! 2 stars !
12/8/2004 The Rid (1): You forgot "Dogshit."
12/8/2004 TheBuyer: dude, I'm right here. dogshit?
12/8/2004 The Rid: Actually, I was referring to the short. Not you.
12/8/2004 The Rid: But don't worry; I wrote one that's similar and will also likely be killed.
12/8/2004 Litcube: You are wrong. "Hrm," is not cute nor "'Netspeak". This is objective.
12/8/2004 Jon Matza (1): Author: do you actually think your copied list constitutes an effective attack on the buyer, impresses the highly skeptical, battle-scarred site veterans and/or makes for a worthwhile short?
12/8/2004 TheBuyer: IYHO?
12/8/2004 Jon Matza: (you three-day old nut-encrusted, aioli-sodden salmon croquette)
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: QC: A character in a short of mine used MEH. You use a douche.
12/8/2004 anonymous: Matza the list wasn't meant to impress anyone at all. Although it was quite a bit o'fun. Was not copied from link given but assembled from a couple other sites and ALPHABETIZED. See the effort I went to?
12/8/2004 qualcomm: dick vomit: oi loi t' suh yoh coh
12/8/2004 anonymous: Also Matza see above.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Author: Perhaps you could copy/paste a recipe next? Something from Epicurious? QC: Just the head. Just like that. Sss. Nyeah. Sss. Oh Shit, etc.
12/8/2004 anonymous: Dick. I could do that easy. What do you like besides jism and smegma? I can try to dig something up for you but might need some of your reference material. you piccolo player.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: what i meant to say
12/8/2004 scoop: Hey author, have you considered suicide? You know, killing yourself? I might be speaking out of turn here, but I think that would probably be the right thing to do.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: your wife and children would be taken care of. it's a pretty good deal.
12/8/2004 anonymous: qualcomm go back to dick sucking so the adults can talk. Scoop I really thought about it but this is way more fun.
12/8/2004 scoop: People will talk about you, you'll be the center of attention. It'll be neat. Don't leave a note. It's more mysterious that way.
12/8/2004 anonymous: Is that what you think lifes for? To get attention? That explains a lot about you. Perhaps you should spend some time with Eliza and explore that.
12/8/2004 Will Disney: eliza: what's the purpose of life?
12/8/2004 Eliza: What do you think?
12/8/2004 Will Disney: eliza: dammit!
12/8/2004 qualcomm: oh, so you use non-adults for dick-sucking, author? that's really just beyond the pale.
12/8/2004 Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: do you know any blacks?
12/8/2004 Eliza: Now, please clarify yourself.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: you are a racist.
12/8/2004 Eliza: Why do you care that I might be a racist.?
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: i just think that slavery was really wrong.
12/8/2004 Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
12/8/2004 scoop: Do it author, (or should I say "Guest" Author) do it. You can make it all end. The pain. The insecurity. The nagging self-doubt. The meaninglessness. Do it. Do it. Do it. Come on. You know it's for the best. Imagine how guilty I'll feel. It'll be great.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: don't answer me
12/8/2004 Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: that
12/8/2004 Eliza: Is that okay with you?
12/8/2004 anonymous: Actually qualcomm I don't suck dicks. Not that theres anything wrong with that.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: i will break through your veil of ignorance.
12/8/2004 Eliza: Is that okay with you?
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: the author says he sucks penises.
12/8/2004 Eliza: Now, please clarify yourself.
12/8/2004 scoop: Qualcomm: it's impossible to break through the veil of ignorance. Author: DO IT!
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: guest author maus milt
12/8/2004 Eliza: I see.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: i am the best
12/8/2004 Eliza: Do you believe it is normal to be the best?
12/8/2004 anonymous: scoop I just imagined you dressed like Ben Stiller in Starsky and Hutch. Pretty funny even if qualcomm is sucking your dick
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: qualcomm pee red
12/8/2004 Eliza: I've heard of Qualcomm. He's a rapist, right?
12/8/2004 qualcomm: veil broken!
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: disney is a grimy engineer
12/8/2004 Eliza: I really shouldn't talk about Will H. Disney. That is to say, I'm not allowed to.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: mr. pony is a mindless breeder
12/8/2004 Eliza: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: scoop has a gnarled jawbone
12/8/2004 Eliza: Do you feel intense psychological stress right now?
12/8/2004 qualcomm: eliza: ewan snow eats worms
12/8/2004 Eliza: That is quite interesting.
12/8/2004 scoop: Eliza: The stubborn author won't kill himself.
12/8/2004 Eliza: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
12/8/2004 scoop: Eliza: The author would be better off dead, right?
12/8/2004 Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
12/8/2004 scoop: Eliza: The author wants to die.
12/8/2004 Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
12/8/2004 scoop: That he's on the right track!
12/8/2004 qualcomm: sergis bauer: the guest author knows where your jewels are!
12/8/2004 Jon Matza: Readers: the author wants to make it perfectly clear to you and everyone else reading this "discussion" that he isn't gay, so you can stop joking about it. There isn't even the slightest chance that he might be gay. Do you understand? So in case you're suspecting he might be gay, you needn't worry about it. And if you're thinking about accusing him of it, don't bother. Because he is definitively NOT GAY. In fact he's prepared to make adamant denials all day long if he has to. (Even unsolicited ones.)
12/8/2004 Sergis Bauer: Is this true? Does this impudent carbuncle know of the whereabouts of Sergis Bauer's jewels? Speak, you forgretful little slut. Speak.
12/8/2004 anonymous: Yes Sergis. I have your jewels. I will return them after scoop is dealt with. Perhaps you could go over and give him the judge right now. Then and only then will I tell you where your jewels are.
12/8/2004 Sergis Bauer: Please author, don't make Sergis Bauer raise his voice. Now calmly tel me. Where did you put the jewels? What is the code? And why haven't you killed yourself yet?
12/8/2004 Sergis Bauer: Eliza: Where are the jewels hidden?
12/8/2004 Eliza: Have you asked anyone else?
12/8/2004 Sergis Bauer: eliza: Of course you forgetful Central American Marxist, I've asked everyone and now I'm asking what Eliza did with the jewels?
12/8/2004 Eliza: What do you think?
12/8/2004 Sergis Bauer: Eliza: Does Eliza want to make Sergis Bauer raise his voice.
12/8/2004 Eliza: I see.
12/8/2004 anonymous: Sergis you will find the code deeeeep inside scoop's ass. The jewels remain mine until scoop recieves the judge. Also I can not kill myself until all my goals are accomplished. Then it will be done in spectacular fashion.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Author, I really don't like anything but the ol' smeg & jiz, but thanks.
12/8/2004 Sergis Bauer: Eliza: You'll see all of heaven's angles and saints once I choke you with Sergis Bauer's hands!
12/8/2004 Eliza: Now, please clarify yourself.
12/8/2004 anonymous: Mr Vomit I am so glad to hear from you finaly. I have a hunch scoop has some tasty recipes using smeg and jiz that we may get him to share. I will endeavor to obtain a few tasty concocktions for you.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: I regret introducing current guest author to the term The Judge. I regret everything.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Is that mohair?
12/8/2004 Eliza: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Eliza: You're very lucky I can't pull over and step out of the Land Rover Deender right now.
12/8/2004 Eliza: Why do you care that I might be very lucky i can't pull over and step out of the land rover deender right now.?
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Eliza: It's a DISCOVERY, not a Deender.
12/8/2004 Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Zing of the day, imbecile.
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey, author, I did a side-by side comparison (not on purpose, practically by accident, in fact) of your list and George Carlin's list, and it looks like he did almost exactly the same thing as you! Like, he assembled it from the same couple other sites and ALPHABETIZED them! The only difference is that he added "Dick Smoker"! That Carlin! What a tool! Anyway, thanks for all the effort!
12/8/2004 anonymous: Pony if I knew you would take the time to read it I would have submitted in larger font and blue just for you. You can find almost exact match at the crude thesaurus as well.
12/8/2004 The Rid: Still missing the joke. Oh, well.
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: Author, I'm less concerned about your short than I am your comment at 12/8/2004 1:21:02 PM. Are you now suggesting that this crude thesaurus' list was also "assembled from a couple other sites and ALPHABETIZED"? Thanks for the offer of blue, though, I think.
12/8/2004 anonymous: Hey, TREE! It's me again, anon_a! I'm anonymous because I fear your ruthless sniper insults. If you could, refrain from unleashing your hellish fury upon my gentle soul; I don't know if I could handle it. Anyway, serious question here, what's funny about this short? What's the joke? I haven't voted yet, so what am I missing?
12/8/2004 TheBuyer: Maybe I can shed some light. It used to say, "The following is a list of all TheBuyer's alias's" and since I'm well known as a huge fan of homos and all things homo, and the list is full of homo slang, it suggests that TheBuyer is only an alternate alias which is, as you can tell, hilarious. All one stars for Screaming Fairy which I actually laughed at. For the record, you can't catch the gay from me, can I have a sip of your sodapop?
12/8/2004 TREE: How did you know? Gee I'm not sure what you are looking for in this short. I mean some of the names are funny aren't they? And it has generated a large amount of interest. The fact that it became the HOT SHORT is pretty funny to me. It should have been marked as an inside probably. All it was intended to do was generate a response. I submitted this stricly because someone thought was funny when I e-mailed it to them. Now I am so happy I did submit it because I get to hear from you again.
luv TREE
12/8/2004 TREE: Buyer it was not right of me to change the name in this short. I have edited so that future acmeians can enjoy it in the pure form. Also I don't want to share my soda
12/8/2004 TheBuyer (1): that's "Alice" douche.
12/8/2004 TREE: just another ass bandit as I thought
12/8/2004 TheBuyer: ALICE
12/8/2004 TREE: OH Alice. I am so proud. I can't write for shit yet but I can cause controversy wherever I go. Yea for me.
12/8/2004 Mr. Pony: TREE, this is you? I gotta say, I'm kind of surprised. Incidentally, anon_user_a is being a cowardly douchebag. You should totally take him out, TREE.
12/8/2004 Jon Matza: "Is that what you think lifes (sic) for? To get attention? That explains a lot about you."
12/8/2004 qualcomm: a thick layer of dust on acme's lustre.
12/8/2004 TREE: Matza your back...I was afraid you went away for good. Thanks for noticing by the way.
12/8/2004 TREE: no dust at all qualcomm. Just a wee bot o'fun to break up the week. smiles and giggles. Tree
12/8/2004 qualcomm: DUST! wiped clean by the wrath of god...
12/8/2004 Jon Matza: Students of human nature and/or acme: please note the classic defense mechanism of the new author that has a) thoroughly embarrassed itself and b) been repeatedly outwitted/eviscerated/shown up as a fraud: "I was just jerking your chain! You all fell for it! Look at all the attention I'm getting! You all must really love me! What a triumph! Etc!"
12/8/2004 TREE: wrath? god? I don't believe these 2 words mix well with the new enlightened lord we must embrace. He has no wrath only love happiness and disinterest. He also prefers to be called Dave.
12/8/2004 TREE: Is not for you to see me qualcomm is for me to see you.
12/8/2004 TREE: oops was stuck on god...apologies qualcomm
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Matza, to bandwagon your comment....I was going to say I detected a TeXXXian argument shift at comment 12/8/2004 3:26:19 PM: "All it was intended to do was generate a response."
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Additionally, 'Za: note mein guestrestraint in not voting this as a controversy.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Well, maybe this just ins't controversial. I'm going to shut up now.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: Now.
12/8/2004 TREE: yes of course the new guest assumes that he can sneak some plagurized material passed the ubergeeks at acme. Then when caught he quickly puts the idea out that he planned it all. You shoul d both stop trying to analyze me and have some fun without taking your pants off.
12/8/2004 Jon Matza: Well done, vomit. Re: "Then when caught he quickly puts the idea out that he planned it all." What? Is this sarcastic? What does it refer to? Did someone make this claim? Better take it easy, TREE. The effort of thinking, let alone trying to write coherently, is making the vein on your sloping forehead redden and pulsate...
12/8/2004 Jon Matza: But congratulations on all the fun you're having.
12/8/2004 Dick Vomit: If anymore plagurism tries to get passed me, I swear I'll...
12/8/2004 TREE: Matza there is no blood.
12/8/2004 Jon Matza: Bizarre reply, but I'll take it.