AcmeShorts

I go through a heck of a lot of lube. Any given month, I'm squeezing out five, six bottles of Astroglide on the business end of my wife's reproductive tract. See, I'm a husband. A husband, and it is my sworn duty to husband the precious resource that is my wife's poonage, keeping it neat and in good working order. I personally perform a daily inventory and cleaning, and you can bet your butt I put a gun lock on it when I'm done. 100-day maintenance inspection? Mandatory. As for the lube, I'll squeeze some on her bug first thing in the AM just to wake the missus up, then rub it in good, real good, so it makes, like, squishy spaghetti noises. And you know what I do next? I apply another coat. And another. Just keep squeezing that little Astroglide bottle till it farts. Till her cruller is good and glazed, comprende? (Breakfastimes, I squeeze out a spiral on my flapjacks.)
Date Written: November 30, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 3.5714
Comments:
12/3/2004 Will Disney: Good for you, guy!
12/3/2004 CrazyGuy (4):
12/3/2004 Chance the Gardener (5): This is a good one, because it illustrates what that other short said -- that the short really, truly, honestly is dead! So clever!
12/3/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (3): I feel bad about these three stars, but the first line had promise the body just didn't deliver.
12/3/2004 CrazyGuy: Is this typical material on this site? What do you fellows think about this type of content?
12/3/2004 Litcube: Guy, you're crazy!
12/3/2004 The Rid (3): Interesting premise. Pedestrain end result.
12/3/2004 anonymous: So, you need to use the lube? Your wife's not getting excited enough on her own?
12/3/2004 Mr. Pony: Does your anonymity indicate that you have the same problem?
12/3/2004 Litcube: I, Clitlube, don't have that problem.
12/3/2004 Dick Vomit: CrazyGuy is The Finch.
12/3/2004 anonymous: Well...
12/3/2004 Dick Vomit (4): "her bug"
12/3/2004 scoop: Know what's annoying? When my ladies bug picks up and scurrries away from its normal place and sets up shop somewhere else. Like her belly. Or her sternum. Don't you guys hate that?
12/3/2004 Jon Matza: CrazyGuy: please don't let the words and actions of a few so-called "edgy" individuals like qualcomm scare you away from our site or give you the wrong impression. These folks seem to think it's "clever" or "funny" to pressure the rest of us to use profane language and/or ideas when writing our stories. I for one have found myself posting many pieces the average reader would find offensive...not because I wanted to but because I was afraid of being jeered at or mocked if I submitted "clean" material or poems. But in hopes of fitting in here and winning others' respect I've continued to write "dirty" shorts...even though deep down I'm embarrassed by what I write! If you have any suggestions or advice I'd be grateful. In the meantime, try to ignore the mean comments of certain people! ;)
12/3/2004 Jon Matza: Just because CrazyGuy'd already departed when I posted the below comments (and was a fraud/hoaxster in the first place) doesn't make what I said below any less sirloin! Re short, found it servicable if uninspired (except for beveled "business end")
12/3/2004 Ewan Snow: Business end is not exactly yellow cake.
12/3/2004 Jon Matza: Well it wasn't the phrase so much as the author's triple word score employment of it (i.e., I thought the concept of applying 'business end' to a vag was unexpected--or, rather, Mike & Ike). I guess should've said "...use of 'business end'".
12/4/2004 John Slocum (3): what other people said.
12/4/2004 cuntry: on first read through, i thought it said "...rub it in good, real good, so it makes sense..." i liked the 'making sense.' and then i realized it didn't say that at all and i liked it less. and then i got hungry...
12/5/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): The concept was good, but the last line was horrid, and phrases like "put a gun lock on it" made me wonder/cringe. Also, if he performs a daily inventory, squeezing the bottle until it farts, how does he only go through 5-6 bottles a month? I think his wife is playing games with him, wringing some of the lube out of her sopping pussy and back into the bottle.