AcmeShorts

Murder doesn't pay. At least, not in the Balkans.

Two nights before, I had managed to overhear a local prostitute bemoaning the fact that orgasms were infrequent in her line of work. As sure as orgasms were infrequent in my line of work, I thought to myself. Work as a paleontologist, which brought me to this godforsaken town in the first place.

It's only been a few years since I succumbed to the concubinal fury of Belgrade. And yet the damp-handed greeting of the city's opportunism still resounded with a seborrheic immediacy. The dandruff of despair.

A genital-like murmur haunted me back in those days. The questionable gender of my neighborhood pandered to the effeminate in all of us. Least of all, everyone else.

The bathroom of my hotel room resembled a urinary tract, replete with kidney stones.
Date Written: November 23, 2004
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 3.4
Comments:
12/2/2004 qualcomm: lots of fancy words, but i'm not sure what the shit here. you misspelled effeminate.
12/2/2004 anonymous: Fixed!
12/2/2004 The Rid: Uh, what's going on here?
12/2/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Great last line. A few nice bits throughout, but like others, I wasn't sure what to make of this overall. I generally don't hold that against a short though, at least not much. 4 stars cuz why not.
12/2/2004 Dick Vomit: I like this: "the damp-handed greeting of the city's opportunism" but suspect this is whole thing is gibberish.
12/2/2004 qualcomm: yes, DV, that's what i suspect, too!
12/2/2004 TheBuyer: image babble
12/2/2004 The Rid (3): Interesting bits of writing sprinkled throughout, but the whole thing stinks of importance for the sake of importance. And not in a clever and funny way like this, but in a way that annoyed me like this.
12/2/2004 The Rid: I just realized that that was a shitty comparison. Sorry, Author.
12/2/2004 The Rid: And importance was the wrong word. What's wrong with me?
12/2/2004 anonymous: Yeah, Rid. You suck!
12/2/2004 anonymous: Yeah, Rid is a real crap chomper. I mean this short isn't good, but that Rid is a real ass taster.
12/2/2004 TheBuyer (4): ha! "questionable gender of my neighborhood" whatever the fuck that means, but still...big guest 4.
12/2/2004 anonymous: This short is of relatively high quality (and luster if not lustre).
12/2/2004 anonymous: Yeah, but relative to what? I mean this thing's a real poop pounder. I mean it's a real shit slurper.
12/2/2004 anonymous: Seborrheic.
12/2/2004 Dick Vomit: 5-Star stool chugger.
12/2/2004 anonymous: D.V., how 'bout a rating? Like you promised in your previous comment!
12/2/2004 Dick Vomit (3): ?
12/2/2004 The Rid: I've decided to take over this short. These comments are no longer about this short. These comments are about how much I suck. So there.
12/2/2004 Litcube (3): !
12/2/2004 The Rid: "...that Rid is a real ass taster" is funnier than anything in this short!
12/2/2004 anonymous: I respectfully disagree.
12/2/2004 The Rid: Aw, come on. DV's "5-star stool chugger" is also good! Long live comments about eating poop and biting ass!
12/2/2004 Litcube: Hey, Rid. Wanna go camping with me?
12/2/2004 The Rid: Sure!
12/2/2004 anonymous: Are you guys/gals going to use a dump-tent?
12/2/2004 Litcube: We'll be using some kind of tent. Wanna come? Camping? Come camping!
12/2/2004 Litcube: Ah, well, Rid. Looks like it's just me an' you goin, eh guy? Wulp, I say we go somewhere where there's not a lot of people. The middle of nowhere, say.
12/2/2004 The Rid: Yeah?
12/3/2004 Litcube: Yeah. We'll have a fire.