AcmeShorts

Certain facets of the meatpacking industry have resulted in a variety of problems.

Meatpacking has been affected by these problems because (a) a high percentage of meatpackers do repetitive “hand and arm work,” and (b) there are severe engineering constraints on meatpacking equipment development due to the random shapes of the products and the strict sanitation requirements for meatpackers.

The overall thrust of the guidelines are what is most important. These figures provide evidence that Guidelines for Meatpackers are having a positive impact.

An important lesson is that many of the improvements in meatpacking came from low tech changes and doing the basics, NOT from relying on machines or automation (although there has been some of that). Meatpacking engineers have discovered ways to place these machines underneath or to the sides so that everything is tossed downward, rather than upward. It has taken some creative thinking, but it was all low tech stuff.

Meatpacking can also result in repetition. Not to fear. Ways to reduce repetitions:

* It had been common to work bending over into various types of tubs; now devices that raise up and tilt these tubs are available and being phased into meatpacking operations.

* Countless work surfaces have been modified, including lips and barriers between various pieces of equipment that created extra work.

* Ways have been found to slide rather than lift.

* Layout changes have resulted in improved motion efficiency.

* Manufacturers have also added straps to fixture the tool to the hand, and thus reduce static gripping.

* Most packers have experimented with providing lean stands (with mixed success).

* Cushioned grating is another solution. Since it is difficult to use anti-fatigue mats the concrete floors in this environment where sanitation is such an issue, some meatpacking plants have placed fiberglass grating on mounts about ½ inch off the floor, which then provides sufficient cushion. Sufficient cushion is crucial to effective meatpacking.

* Hundreds of pairs of eyes help. Training meatpacking teams to evaluate tasks and brainstorm improvements has led to thousands of feasible ideas.

* By doing all of the above and teaching meatpacking techniques on how to innovate, an atmosphere of creativity has been created, where the brainstorming process and willingness to proceed with trial and error has become normal business.

We hope these meatpacking guidelines have had their desired positive impact.
Date Written: November 8, 2004
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 2.6667
Comments:
11/19/2004 The Rid: Funny, but not ha-ha funny.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: as slocum would say, completely desiccated
11/19/2004 TREE: Lame..like a government issued pamphlet
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: Jeez, really, TREE? How fucking observant. YOU RETARD!
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: this is hot.
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: hot.
11/19/2004 Dick Vomit: This reads like a -- oh.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: this is the most cynically desiccated piece i've ever seen
11/19/2004 qualcomm: jesus, it's so depressing. like a middle school film strip from 1973
11/19/2004 TREE: snow your kinda like a dried piece of snot pretty offensive but easy to ignore
11/19/2004 The Rid: Love...exciting and new...
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: TREE, your wit is only matched by your spelling and punctuation.
11/19/2004 scoop: TREE your kinda like AIDS.
11/19/2004 The Rid: TREE is an acquired immune deficiency syndrome?
11/19/2004 qualcomm: no
11/19/2004 qualcomm: "Finding Neverland" is a beautifully crafted exploration of the many attributes of the human heart.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: Be warned: you'll need a tissue or three for the final scene.
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: focus
11/19/2004 Jon Matza (4): wroks for me
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: thats right, wroks
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: homos
11/19/2004 qualcomm: hey matza, you think your hot shit on a silver platter but in actuality your cold piss on a paper plate.
signed,

TREE
11/19/2004 anonymous: Did the piss soak into the plate? Because it's paper, etc.?
11/19/2004 scoop: Hey did you guys here about Snow???
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: which one, Ewan Snow?
11/19/2004 Dylan Danko: What the fuck is going on?
11/19/2004 anonymous: This doesn't seem that *controversial*.
11/19/2004 The Rid: Honestly, I'm now afraid to vote.
11/19/2004 John Slocum: I'm wondering if this is copied from a paper or if this is 100% bonafide spontaneously created from the prodigious imagination of one of our fine authors.
11/19/2004 John Slocum: Qual.: not just dessicated; also austere. No fruit. Hint of mineral and lots of acid. No flowers, no spices, no chemical, no nothing. But an entertaining read. This would be impressive if it were created off the top of someone's head. How can we verify this? I haven't read it carefully enough yet to look for evidence in the text, so forgive my idiocy if I've brought it to bear here.
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: latest...?? You're losing it, disney.
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: I'd bet my 1st daughter's honor this is lifted from some safety site word for word. Not that I object.
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow (4): If this isn't actually plagiarized, I have to give the author a lot of credit for sheer gall. Also, for great restraint. If I had attempted this, I would not have had the will to keep from making it ridiculous (and obviously fake) before the end. It takes a real weirdo to write this kind of crap. Doesn't deserve a five because it's just too unfunny, but deserves better than a three because I can't believe somebody posted it. However, if it turns out to be an actual word-for-word rip-off, I'll deduct a star from the author's next short. Unless it happens on a Tuesday or a bank holiday, in which case I'll deduct two.
11/19/2004 scoop: Dude...you're like a dired piece of snot. GROSS!!!
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: mulp.
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: hey, why is this the latest controversy? wtf, disney?
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: this is a brilliant forgery. this is the what the pig can expect.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: There have been problems with highly excitable hogs which are difficult to drive at the packing plant. These animals squeal, bunch and pile up. It is difficult to make these hogs separate and walk up the chute. They will constantly balk. It is caused by a combination of genetic selection for rapid weight gain and a lack of stimulation in confinement buildings.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: here's the asshole's source material -- might have to deduct stars, snow.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: my problem with this is that it's only "funny" when you put it in the frame of a humorous fiction website. sort of like putting a urinal on a pedestal in a museum.
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: Mulp, you're gonna get it, author. Don't you know that's it's against acme policy to take somebody else's work and claim it as your own? You better hope your next short doesn't come up on a Tuesday or a fucking bank holiday!
11/19/2004 Will Disney: I dunno - figured it was time to SHAKE THINGS UP. That's all.
11/19/2004 Turgid (1): How can this be worthy of more than one star if it's completely lifted?
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: QC, that counts too. I mean, do you think the Last Supper would be funny if it weren't, like, in situ?
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: Who posted this?
11/19/2004 qualcomm: snow, i agree that it counts, but generally, and this short is no exception, it counts less
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: yeah, I agree. I was just sort of joking. I mean, the Last Supper would be funny wherever it were hung. And this short isn't even all that funny here. What struck me, though, as I said below, was that it didn't let up. Didn't turn to "fudgepacking" jokes, or whatever. So, it actually did surprise me. More in the way a stunt surprises than how a good short suprises, though. If I had known for certain that it was verbatim, I would have given it a lower rating. And if anybody tried this sort of nonsense again, I'd probably give it a one.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: check out this sweet typo in the first sentence of that Buyer link: "Proper livestock handling is extremely important to meat packers for obvious ethnical reasons."
11/19/2004 anonymous: That's no typo.

Signed,
The House of Ethnics Committee
11/19/2004 qualcomm: During hot weather (over 70 degrees Fahrenheit), hogs should be sprinkled with water in the stockyard pens. Keeping hogs cool is very important because a hot hog will have PSE (pale, soft, exudative, stressed pork).
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: hot hog. hot.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: In both captive bolt and electrically stunned animals, kicking will occur. Ignore the kicking and look at the head. To put it simply, THE HEAD MUST BE DEAD.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: Rhythmic breathing must be absent. Gasping is a sign of a dying brain and is OK. A twitching nose (like a rabbit) may be a sign of partial sensibility.
11/19/2004 TREE: http://www.ca4a.org/info/slaughterhouse/
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: Disney, will you PLEASE incorporate that previously discussed feature that allows a quorum of authors to decide on the latest controversy? This is like your third straight blunder. Before you get keyed up, Qualcomm, Disney's Stouffer programming skills allow him to do this in about 20 minutes. He told me so. In person.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: As a general principle, all disabled animals arriving at packing plants should be dispatched to slaughter as promptly as possible to minimize the animal’s suffering. To offload a non-ambulatory animal from a truck, plants should use the truck exit nearest to the animal and should place as little stress as possible on the animal. Animals must never be dropped to the ground from a truck. In some cases, a slide board or cripple cart may be helpful.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: back when i was an admin, we didn't have bad Latest Controversy decisions.
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: just bad admin decisions.
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: PoW!
11/19/2004 TREE: Thousands of piglets that were sick or didn't grow fast enough were beaten to death. The industry calls this thumping or PACing: the industry acronym for "Pound Against Concrete."
11/19/2004 scoop: cripple cart is just a euphemism for "mutli-wheeled destination enabler."
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: While Disney deserves plenty of full slab credit in general, it must be pointed out that his admin lapses in this area have included not only errant promotions of wussy-versies to controversies, but also inexplicable, lustre-depleting missed chances to upgrade actual, bona fide controversies to legendary latest controversy status.
11/19/2004 John Slocum (2): Plagiarists are like terrorists. This does not wrok for me.
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: Why does everyone assume this less good/funny if plagiarized? In my sirloin estimation, that's wrongheaded thinking.
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: Etc etc etc
11/19/2004 Ewan Snow: Cuz if it's a rip-off, then the only thing funny about it is that somebody decided to post it. I mean, the dumb-ass tone is a little funny, but that doesn't go very far. But if somebody actually bothered to compose this fucking thing then I would give them more credit, if mostly sweat-equity credit.
11/19/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey, Slocum, they way I hear it told, McWilliamsburg wasn't exactly divinely inspired. Defend yourself? I think Ewan's right, by the way. Aside from it actually being here, this is decidedly dump-tent.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: woodpile new woodpilism, pony
11/19/2004 qualcomm: matza, one of the reasons the plagiarizing devalues this short is that it necessarily makes it a one-off affair. you do it once, then the joke's over. were i to paste in some other dry piece of nonfiction writing and pass it off as a short, even something completely different in subject matter from this, it would be seen, ironically but fairly, as a ripoff of the author's idea. now, what does this tell us about the quality of the joke here? that it's shallow, that it lacks richness; it is unable to be explored any further. for that reason, it is less funny.
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: Hmmm...well I, Za, don't see how it becomes more or less funny, at least in terms of one's initial reaction, depending on whether it was made up or copied. And I feel, mildly anyhow, that this stands on its own (and has some meta value) regardless of the source--not that I think it deserves a five--on account of the following: a) the hyper-dessicated tone mentioned earlier, b) the reason Snow mentioned (author's restraint shown in not turning it lowbrow/wacky) and c) author's leap of lateral thinking and/or impish spirit in coming across this & deciding "this is so thoroughly mundane and unfunny it would be not unhumorous to post it as a short." Or maybe it was 'not undroll', I can't pretend to understand the author's exact thought process.
11/19/2004 qualcomm: unqua, i believe, is the word you seek
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: i hope the ironicalness of this exchange is not lost on anyone. In fact, I'll bet tree's left nut this is a Disney scheme perpetrated out of love of acme to create discussion. I may look like an ass for saying it for various reasons, but that's what I think. Also Mr. Slocum, seriously doubleyou tee eff?
11/19/2004 Jon Matza: Maybe one of those reasons is that he already admitted it below. Nice legwork, though.
11/19/2004 TheBuyer: ha! fuck.
11/19/2004 The Rid (2): Can't decide if the joke's on me or not. Probably is. Goddamnit.
11/20/2004 John Slocum: Mr. Pony: honest, it wasn't my idea. Lewis, Danko and Matza made me drink Santa Margarita pinot grigio and then, when I was broken down by that horrible, unbalanced wine (and therefore susceptible to coersion) they suggestibly suggested we post his cousin's piece as a short, and better yet, as a short by slocum to help get slocum started, and then slocum started writing shorts and got so into it he forgot about McWilliamsburg until this horrible controversy exposed the terrible, bare truth. I wish McWilliamsburg had never been submitted. I hate it, hate it, HATE IT! Oh why did I ever give my tacit approval to that god-forsaken short?
11/20/2004 Mr. Pony: Yeah, I know, dude. Danko filled us in on the thing, and was clear that you had very little to do with it. Once it was out there, there was very little to be done about it.
11/20/2004 Jon Matza: Hey Slocum, I heard of a really good Chilean wine. It's called IMATOTALFUCKINGFRAUD. Have you tried it?
11/20/2004 Dylan Danko: just stuck my finger in my ass
11/20/2004 Mr. Pony: Why?
11/20/2004 TheBuyer: tree - sorry about your nut, here and i thought I was totally fucking clever.
11/20/2004 Dylan Danko: What do you mean, why????
11/20/2004 TREE: Buyer it was well after 5 so you had every right to be drunk. I hope it wasn't some crap ass wine though.
11/20/2004 John Slocum: Matza, no, I haven't tried it. Is that from colchagua valley, or maipo valley? High altitude vineyard or valley floor? Is it good (probably not)? I have had a pretty good wine from South Africa called IMNOTAFUCKINGFRAUDYOUGOTTDAMNFRAUDCUNTCOCKPUSSYBALLSCOCKFRAUD from the Stellenbosch region. Do you know it?
11/21/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): Worth reading, if only for "hundreds of pairs of eyes".