AcmeShorts

There was a window open in the kitchen; that's where the Pube Fairy made his entrance.

He snuck into the bathroom and reached into his drawers. He winced when he tugged, but he knew there'd be a bumper crop of smegma, too, so he didn't care.

With a quick glance left and right, the Pube Fairy liberally sprinkled his bounty all over the bathroom. Later, at the office, he looked at his checklist.

Soap? Check. Washcloth? Check. Drain? Tub and sink? Check and check.

In the morning, Dave went into his bathroom to grab a shower. While he was soaping up his face with the washcloth, he felt something in the corner of his mouth.
Date Written: October 28, 2004
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 2.5
Comments:
11/4/2004 qualcomm (1): who farted?
11/4/2004 TheBuyer (2): pedestrian
11/4/2004 Dylan Danko (2): Yeah, this really stinks up the two stellar shorts before it.
11/4/2004 Jon Matza (4): My god, this isn't that bad. One star?? That's irresponsible. At least the writing's fine, there's even some non-obvious language (e.g, "bumper crop", "drawers", "check and check"). One starring a competently written, going-through-the-motions short like this negates the impact of one-starring the truly dreadful stuff. Shame on you! +1 corrective.
11/4/2004 qualcomm: did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
11/4/2004 Litcube (3): I didn't think this was a one either. I also didn't think this was a two. Moreover, this most definitely was not a four. Furthermore, this short did not constitute five material.
11/4/2004 Jon Matza: So you think "did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?" is significantly wittier than anything in this short? (You individual piece of cutlery)
11/4/2004 qualcomm: it's a line from Heathers, and yes i do think it's wittier than this short, taken in the context of who says it.
11/4/2004 Jon Matza: you mean you? or the Heather?
11/4/2004 Jon Matza: I'm serious.
11/4/2004 anonymous: Hey Matza, why don't you rate the short below before I fuck your ear.
11/4/2004 George W. Bush: the heather
11/4/2004 qualcomm: i mean, the heather
11/4/2004 anonymous: Aaand theenn raaaate the onnne beforrre thaaaat, wheeen youuu haave sooome tiiime.
11/4/2004 Jon Matza: I can't rate the smarty jones till later. You bunch of fucking ciphers.
11/4/2004 anonymous: Matza, thanks for sticking up for me. The Pube Fairy. Heh, I must be 12, but I think it's funny.
11/4/2004 Jon Matza: What can I say? I like to champion/encourage the guest authors. Always have.
11/4/2004 anonymous: Well, much appreciated. I'll try to move off the pube jokes for the next few. Hey, can we vote for ourselves? Ha!
11/5/2004 TREE (3): anything with smegma in it gets at least 3 stars