AcmeShorts

My name is Joe Frankenstone. I'm a shithead and a one-star human being.
Date Written: September 28, 2004
Author: Cuntbreath
Average Vote: 2.1667
Comments:
10/5/2004 Litcube (1):
10/5/2004 qualcomm: Welcome back, Frankenstone!
10/5/2004 qualcomm: yeah, we tease him a lot, cuz we got him on the spot, welcome back...
10/5/2004 Dylan Danko (1):
10/5/2004 qualcomm: i really don't think this is that bad.
10/5/2004 qualcomm: no, it makes some legitimate points.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony (1): I think it kind of wusses out in a very cowardly sort of way! "Shithead"? This could have been written by any asshole about any other asshole!
10/5/2004 TheBuyer (1): I hate effing MadLibs. eff em. eff em all.
10/5/2004 qualcomm (5): no, i think this is pretty good. shithead; ha ha ha.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: How dare you; you are an idiot; your intelligence is inconsequential; you lack substance; etc.
10/5/2004 TheBuyer: so who was Cuntbreath anyhow? He's setting a new low.
10/5/2004 Litcube: I was under the impression that it was the German Castration Boot.
10/5/2004 scoop (4): One star off for leaving out nigger-lover.
10/5/2004 qualcomm: sometimes the bravest move is cowardice
10/5/2004 anonymous: you have a point. fucko.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: sometimes you are a dummy
10/5/2004 qualcomm: what i mean is, the soil of a man's heart... is stonier
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Than what?
10/5/2004 qualcomm: the soil is SOUR!
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: I mean stonier than what? How is the soil sour?
10/5/2004 Dylan Danko: who wants to give me a hand job?
10/5/2004 Ol‘ Summer Sausage: I will! I will! I have a glov
10/5/2004 Ol‘ Summer Sausage: ( a GLOV for "IT" (handjob)
10/5/2004 Litcube: )
10/5/2004 Ol‘ Summer Sausage: Danko where U go!!!
10/5/2004 Ol‘ Summer Sausage: Who will CYBER with me!
10/5/2004 qualcomm: i will!
10/5/2004 Ol‘ Summer Sausage: YEAH!
10/5/2004 qualcomm: The policies of Mr. Pony are dangerous for world peace. If they were implemented, they would make this world not more peaceful, but more dangerous.
10/5/2004 qualcomm: For more than 20 years, on every one of the great issues of freedom and security, Mr. Pony has been more wrong, more weak and more wobbly than any other national figure.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: That's silly. If my policies were implemented, everyone would be safer, happier, more secure; and everyone would enjoy more freedom. And the guilty would be annihilated, struck down with blazing fire from the heavens, and the innocents would go free.
10/5/2004 qualcomm: Mr. Pony says he's against evil. Mr. Pony says he loves freedom. Why then wouldn't Mr. Pony sign the Freedom For All Act, which would have provided jobs to disadvantaged pre-schoolers?
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Of course, to the unfit, to the mentally deficient to the out-and-out retarded; my nuanced positions may seem "loose" or "wobbly". Not that I would call Summer unfit, or mentally deficient, or the sort of man who by saying something, magically comes to believe it; the sort of man whose mouth is in command of his heart.
10/5/2004 qualcomm: Old Bob Ney, he said, why don't you come over to the Ross County Fairgrounds. Maybe a couple of people will come over and say, hello. (Applause.) Thanks for having me. It's good to be here. I'm here to ask for the vote, that's what I'm doing. (Applause.)
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Had the Freedom For All Act been about Freedom, All, or even For, I would have signed it. Instead, the bill strongly backed by my opponent inexplicably called for thousands of tons of toxic waste to be produced by clear-cutting the forest at Yellowstone, and then dumped into the heart of an Arctic wildlife refuge, all paid for by a tax hike for disenfranchised African-American voters in Florida. Only two actual preschoolers would have been employed, as accountants. The rest of the work would have been done by the 11,000 Iraqi slaves who supposedly died in the initial attack on their homeland. Also, there was something in there about classifying high-fructose corn syrup, but to be honest, I stopped reading it after page nine.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Classifying high-fructose corn syrup as a VEGETABLE, in fact.
10/5/2004 qualcomm: I believe in the energy, innovation, and spirit of Acme's workers, small business owners and farmers. We ought to continue to grow this economy so people can find work.
10/5/2004 qualcomm: I believe in the transformational power of liberty. My dad fought against the Japanese.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: I believe in an Acme of equality, and Acme of freedom and expression, an Acme where the littlest voice can be heard, and not be drowned out by the big business of posting giant initials on the home page. I see an Acme that gleams with lustre, not from within; but from the reflected light of its many voices, both great and small; an Acme that will shine in the night sky like a beacon; an Acme whose clarion call of freedom will ring across the world, burning the eyes and ears of the wicked and igniting a fire in the hearts of the faithful; a cleansing Inferno that will spread across the Nine Worlds forever until nothing remains but the Truth and the charred ashes the pestilence that sat before! Come with me, Brothers and Sisters! I lead the way! Our Firestorm is just beginning!
10/5/2004 scoop: Can you all shut the fuck up. I'm trying to watch the game.
10/5/2004 qualcomm: My dad fought against the Japanese.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Firestorm.
10/6/2004 Chance the Gardener: I don't get the short, but the debate stuff in the comments is funny! Go KE04! w00t!
12/14/2004 Litcube: I miss the days when OSS & Pony would swap mud. This was one funny thread.
12/14/2004 Mr. Pony: Old Summer Sausage was bad, and the world is a better place now that the more harmless qualcomm has supplanted him.
02/25/2005 Mr. Pony: I wonder what happened to Cuntbreath.