"Holy shit. This is the most terrifying vagina I've ever jammed my chin into. Why the fuck can't I stop?" That's what I was thinking. What I was actually saying was more like, "Mmm. Gfff. Gna gna gna. Ggggg."
Out of all of the box I've gnawed, this one took the shit-cake. For some reason, though, I couldn't make myself stop. It was like driving by a car-accident. I didn't want to be there but my face was drawn to it.
Eventually, my cunniligual deft took hold and Matilda, my benefitor, kicked my away. She quietly moaned, "wow, your tongue should be in the twat-olympics."
I said, "I know. Ever thought of changing your diet?" I wiped the vaginal effluent from my acne-ridden face, gave her my twenty dollars and left. Eating out hookers is my favourite.
Date Written: September 9, 2004 Author:Yahzick Average Vote: 4.2
Comments:
09/14/2004qualcomm (4):
09/14/2004qualcomm: this is the sort of thing that gets us listed in the "Tasteless" category by WebSENSE.
09/14/2004scoop's brain (4): The odors of vaginal effluent, the riches of vaginal affluent, the race goes not to the swift...
09/14/2004scoop: The odors of vaginal effluent, the riches of vaginal affluent, the race goes not to the swift...
09/14/2004scoop: What do you mean "tasteless" OSS? The author is clear that the taste of this particular twat-taco is "terrifying."
09/14/2004scoop (5): You know what, in the wake of our latest run in with censorship, I give the author an extra star for celebrating our cunterific ethos.
09/14/2004TheBuyer (4): Dude, i can smell this one on my eyes. It smells like "Mmm. Gfff. Gna gna gna. Ggggg."
09/14/2004scoop's vagina: I WISH somoene would have at me like this. I've spent a long summer secreted away in the cold recesses of scoop's pants. Oh how I miss the sun. oh, how I miss scoop. scoop? have you forgotten me? If your going to leave me here to die, at least let me out one...last...time...?
09/14/2004Litcube (5): Because I've been there.
09/14/2004TheBuyer: L3- This isn't yours?
09/14/2004Litcube: Nay!
09/14/2004Will Disney (4): okay
09/14/2004TheBuyer: author I owe you a star, I've been laughing at this all day.
09/15/2004TheBuyer: Holy shit, we were just talking about you!
09/15/2004Pix (5): Jesus, now why doesn't this surprise me...
09/15/2004Mr. Pony (4): So this is the fellow who was ordered to fuck Fitzcarralldo's sister by Fitzcarralldo himself! Yahzick, it's a pleasure.
09/15/2004TheBuyer: Also a long time lurker. I wonder how many more of them are out there.
09/15/2004Joe Frankenstone (3): Easy.
09/15/2004Litcube: Dude! What and where the fuck did you come from!?
09/15/2004The Fonch: Litcube - These are Joe Frankenstone's Guest Author Statistics. His stats include 4 shorts in 7 months as an active Guest Author and an undetermined, though much higher number of comments during the same time period. As a result of those comments and other factors, he had a difference of opinion with more than one of the Authors of Acme, the details of which are better discussed with the affected parties. It is unclear if this particular issue was resolved at the time of his last message board post 4th March 2004 9:00:37 AM which coincided with the approximate start of his silence which was maintained until recently.
Signed,
The Fonch