AcmeShorts

Curious, I was, to see if my wife's yeast infection could be used for culinary purposes. It should be, after all, an ambient strain. Humans have been using these same yeasts to brew mead and create sourdough starters for thousands of years. Retracting a small sample was relatively painless for the both of us, as she had just finished a stint on our excercycle. I was incredibly disappointed to find the specimen had not survived the 45 minute lycra chafing. I had to throw the flour/water mixture I had prepared in the trash and think anew. Might her ears braise in the same manner as a roosters comb?
Date Written: August 23, 2004
Author: toobs
Average Vote: 4
Comments:
08/25/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): You know they used to throw a dead old beat up rooster in a batch of beer that had gone flat. You know, to start up the process again? Hence giving names to brews like "ol' Cock Ale" Or "Black Cock Porter", or even "Ol' Summer Sausage Ale". Just thought it might be pertinent, o author. Nice title.
08/25/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Who's job was it to beat up the rooster?
08/25/2004 Mr. Pony: NOTE: While lesser men may howl at the apparent cribbing of Slocum's rigorously scientific approach to culinary and oenophilic matters, I see this effort as an homage to Slocum's mastery of the form, and the birth of a genre.
08/25/2004 qualcomm: i'll defer to slocum on whether to cry ripoff. two things i liked in here that you wouldn't find in a slocum short - the exercycle and brevity.
08/25/2004 TheBuyer: Ick.
08/25/2004 TheBuyer (4):
08/25/2004 Mr. Pony: NOTE: This is a shameless ripoff of what John Slocum does best! How Slocum has let this affront stand for this long, I will never know! The author has deliberately and maliciously stolen Slocum's signature themes and regurgitated them in a slipshod, lackluster attempt to ride Slocum's coattails to the very top!
08/25/2004 qualcomm: i think starfish wrote it.
08/25/2004 TheBuyer: ya. Telltale bird abuse.
08/25/2004 Mr. Pony: Bird abuse? Does that have to do the thing with the pigeon thing, or the masturbatory nature of the poor dead bastard's last three shorts?
08/25/2004 Jacob Starfish: I didn't write this, OSS. Pony: At least I'm still producing work.
08/25/2004 Mr. Pony: Mmm. I've been working. That reminds me--Hallmark's looking for writers, I hear. You should check it out! Flexible hours!
08/25/2004 Jacob Starfish: That's right, your job! How is the writing-people's-names-using-rainbow-colored-bird-shapes-on-the-street industry these days?
08/25/2004 Mr. Pony: You're a riot! Hey, guess what I did last night! I slept with your wife!
08/25/2004 Jacob Starfish: I know your secret.
08/25/2004 Jacob Starfish: Hey Pony, FU!
08/25/2004 Mr. Pony: I don't have any secrets! Back to work!
08/25/2004 Jac?b Starfish: Hey, someone stole my name! And ineptly, at that.
08/25/2004 TheBuyer: Pony: the first thing, not the uh...other stuff.
08/25/2004 scoop: Pony's center is no longer holding.
08/25/2004 scoop: I'm worried about this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Pony dialectic working here...
08/25/2004 qualcomm: it reminds me of the day the other scientists and i taught pony to use sign language. the first thing he did was point to the bars.
08/25/2004 qualcomm: i'll give this four for starting with the fun "Curious, I was," construction.
08/25/2004 qualcomm (4): uh!
08/25/2004 Jacob Starfish: Yeah, listen to scoop and OSS, Mr. Pony, and be careful. The deep end's not so far away! Now, leave me alone, please. I have things to do. I'm serious! Leave me alone.
08/25/2004 Jacob Starfish: Everyone should vote on this guest short, now, please.
08/25/2004 Litcube (3): Fine. I'm not a huge fan of this one. I think this dude's makin' shit up.
08/26/2004 John Slocum (4): This is a fresh new voice, and a grand second effort. Nothing ripped off from Slocum. Fantastic first sentence.
08/27/2004 scoop (5): Great first line! Keep up the good work, toobs, if that in fact is your name. Here's an extra star for encouragement. We're all friends here.
08/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Yeah, toobs. Good work. I didn't mean that thing about you ripping off Slocum. Also, I didn't mean that thing about you not ripping off Slocum. These are the lean years.
08/29/2004 toobs: Thank you all for your bi-polar rhetoric.