Kids today are incredibly media-savvy. They use the Internet more than any prior generation, and have access to an almost unlimited selection of news and information. And more than any other age group, minors demonstrate a natural acumen for multitasking. I am amazed by my daughter's ability to talk on her cell phone, instant message her pals and do her homework all at the same time!
Unfortunately, testing standards have not kept up with technology. Old yardsticks like reading comprehension and arithmetic are still being used to measure academic achievement in a generation that has grown up with calculators and spellchecking. More appropriate diagnostics need to be developed, especially in the language arts. It goes without saying that a mastery of skillsets like scanning and the use of bullets and other chunking tools is a better indicator of professional success than algebra or analogies!
Youngsters who underperform on today's standardized diagnostic surveys are unfairly marginalized into remedial classrooms. Studies show that these alienated souls can look forward only to a lifetime of below-average incomes, low self-esteem and social disenfranchisement. This is too heavy a punishment for failing to master outdated skillsets. But they have not failed these unfair tests: we as parents and educators have failed them.
Date Written: August 18, 2004 Author:qualcomm Average Vote: 3.1429
Comments:
08/23/2004John Slocum (2): Didn't even crack a smile. I dunno, I think this sucks.
08/23/2004Jacob Starfish: Is the author using the entire frame of Acmeshorts as an external smirk for this piece of writing? Or is something even more complicated and devious going on? Or something dumber?
08/23/2004Mr. Pony: Sorry, that was me.
08/23/2004anonymous: Starfish: the middle one.
08/23/2004John Slocum: Yah, jacob and author, I re-read a few times to see if I were missing anything extrememly subtle, but didn't come up with anything. So complicated and devious I couldn't unearth it. Sorry about the 2, should have been a 3 - it's a good piece of writing, just don't see any jokes or, in the absence of jokes, anything to stimulate.
08/23/2004anonymous: It's supposed to be a parody of a PTA mom talking educational newspeak. It's possible I McSweeneyed it though, and made it too close a parody, razor-close, like blue-green gelatin. However, there is (what i think is) a buried joke in here. See if you can guess what is! Hooray! I'm Jacob Starfish!
08/23/2004Mr. Pony: No you're not!
signed,
Mr. Pony
08/23/2004Dylan Danko (4): I don't know what Slocum's on about. This is quite good. Does subtlety count for nothing these days?
08/23/2004Ewan Snow (3): What's subtle about it? It's just a fake op-ed piece by a moron. I enjoyed the use of "skillsets" and other edu-speak, but overall felt that, as the author said, this is barely different from what it is parodying. Either way, I didn't think it was all that funny.
08/23/2004Benny Maniacs (3): Yeah, I see where Author was going. Experimental shit, kind of like how Robert Raushenberg bought a DeKooning pencil drawing, erased it, and sold it again. Yeah. I'm not buying this though.
08/23/2004anonymous: There is one "subtle" joke in there, which I, the author, will now reveal: the idea is that the moron narrator was motivated to write this because her stupid daughter (cited in graf 1) isn't doing well in school. With a mother's blind pride, the narrator tries to elevate her daughter's idiotic "accomplishments" (multitasking, using the Internet) to the same level as legitimate academic ones. I'm not sure if this joke was coming through or not. If it's not coming through, I blame the reader.
08/23/2004anonymous: Maniacs: I don't know what you mean. I wasn't experimenting here. One time Danko and I experimented, though.
08/23/2004anonymous: so bland it's offensive. wonderbread of shorts.
08/23/2004Dylan Danko: Author, that joke did come through. Anon_a is Scoop?
08/23/2004Ewan Snow: Yes, author, I got that as well.
08/23/2004scoop: scoop don't truck with no anonymity.
08/23/2004Dylan Danko: Sure, Scoop. Hey, pull my finger!
08/23/2004anonymous: The sentiment sounds scoopish, but the anonymity seems too craven.
08/23/2004TheBuyer (3): all 3 for "They use the Internet more than any prior generation"
08/23/2004Mr. Pony (3): Author, I have failed you.
08/23/2004qualcomm (5): great job, author. thanks. from all of us.
08/23/2004Dylan Danko: Huh. Interesting, OSS.
08/23/2004John Slocum: So, what do you like about this one, OSS?
08/23/2004John Slocum: Danko, stop ducking me and call.
08/23/2004Dylan Danko: Didn't realized you called, douche. Some of us are very busy.
08/23/2004Dylan Danko: realize. And by the way, what is your father emailing me about?
08/23/2004John Slocum: high tens
08/23/2004Jon Matza (4): Like today's kids' skill sets this short was unfairly denied credit by an entrenched, obsolete system (represented by the sheep-like majority who voted on it).
08/23/2004John Slocum: Up your ass, Matza.
08/23/2004Jon Matza: Etc!
08/24/2004Eliza: Please go on.
08/24/2004Jon Matza: And so forth.
08/24/2004Mr. Joshua: OSS is well down the path to becoming a reactionary. He will be voting Republican before he is 45.
08/24/2004qualcomm: just because a fella makes fun of krugman for both resembling and being a hero of dylan danko don't mean he's a reactionary. and just because a fella likes watching o'reilly because it's like seeing captain kirk read the news is also no reason.
08/24/2004Ewan Snow: What about because a fellow voted for Rick Lazio?
signed, Mr. Pony