AcmeShorts

A few days ago, I was fortunate enough to attend Sea World’s newest 3-D attraction, R.L. Stine’s Haunted Lighthouse 4-D. It’s a fantastic adventure that blends the cutting-edge technology of 3-D filmmaking with the stellar storytelling of the master of children’s horror, R.L. Stine.

Stacey (Janet Simpson) and Jimmy (Brad Hillhurst), siblings on vacation with their parents, venture off into Black Night Forest for a brief hike. After wandering aimlessly for several hours, the children emerge from the forest at the base of Terror Lighthouse. Scared and hungry, the children enter the lighthouse and discover a terrifying world of terror. Christopher Lloyd plays Tinkle McGillicutty, the omnipresent lighthouse keeper.

There’s really a lot to like about Haunted Lighthouse. Performances are all stellar for a 3-D attraction at a third tier amusement park. Simpson’s performance is particularly noteworthy. She demonstrates a command of the material not seen in a child actress since Tiffany Brissette in Small Wonder. Lloyd is luminous as always. I’m certain his career will see a resurgence after the great word of mouth about this film spreads.

R.L. Stine’s story also shines, delicately balancing a complex narrative with scares directed towards the camera. So convincing were the effects that I often found myself trying to grab the object jumping out of the screen. Of course, that was after I was able to safely open my eyes. ;-)

If there’s one problem, it’s the overuse of graphic scenes of sexual intercourse. While I whole-heartedly believe that the back of a theater at a water park is an appropriate place to masturbate, no one outside of Japan is going to find tentacle rape arousing. Had Stine simply stopped with the underwater gangbang, most patrons would have emerged sexually gratified. Still, the attraction has enough chills and 3-D cumshots to recommend to the whole family.