Sir:
I am pleased to report that, through the application of stimuli to the genital region, localized sensations of pleasure leading to general feelings of well-being are, as predicted, the common result. Moreover, these responses increase by an as yet unknown algorithm with the continued application of the stimuli. After a period of time particular to each subject, a maximum threshhold is attained, and a point of biological crisis achieved. An attendant, urethral release of fluid can be expected from an overwhelming majority of males and an undetermined percentage of females (see Figure 1, enclosed).
Some corollaries:
- In most cases, the speed with which biological crisis presents is directly proportional to the variety of stimuli available. For example males with free access to multiple berths (what your lordship pleases to call pee-pussy, moistmouth and fun-rump) achieve crisis with almost 40% more alacrity than those with more limited options.
- As you suspected, sir, it is possible to achieve crisis through autostimulation of the attendant regions, coupled with thought-dreams focusing on the application of instigating stimuli.
- Finally, while the behaviors described herein are in and of themselves innoccuous, there appears to be a tendency to attach to them meaning and substance of a kind far beyond their capacity to support. Naturally, such a tendency may result in lifelong attachments, which, resting as they do on such a dubious foundation, prove to most participants to be of a wholly unsatisfying nature. You can appreciate the destabilizing influence such attachments would present to our way of life were they to become institutionalized.
These are my initial findings. I appreciate that they will raise more questions than they answer, which is why we must redouble our efforts in this inquiry. (I trust it goes without saying that such continuance will require the renewal of your generous funding!) Please include whatever portion of my report you determine significant in your presentation to the board of directors.
I remain, as ever, your humble servant,
Commodore Edwin-George Puckernut