AcmeShorts

Kevin was excited. This was the first time Melissa had been inside his ice fishing shack, and he wanted everything to go without a hitch. “So, Lissa, how’s this for a nice cozy place, eh? It’s small but it’s big, if you know what I mean. And look here. Just one week, and my fishin’ hole’s frozen over again. Still, what a great way to spend Canada Day, eh?” He placed the tip of the ice auger over the sealed opening, and began to turn. “I’ve got the biggest bit on the river, y’know,” he said proudly as he re-drilled an 18-inch opening. “I don’t want to hook a fish that’s too big to land, that’s for sure.”

“Well, let’s not dilly-dally, Melissa,” said Kevin as cold river water splashed up against the rim of the fresh opening. “Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er.” Kevin picked up the cold, lifeless shell of his tiny ex-wife. Propping her against the shack door, he expertly threaded one barb of a No. 14 treble through her yoni, and brought it out just below her throat. Then holding her under the arms, he slid her feet through the frozen surface and slowly released her into the frigid, fast-moving water. As the current carried her quickly downstream, Kevin wondered if he should have used the 120-pound test filament. He worried that a big muskie, hungry in the early Canadian summer, might be strong enough to break the line and carry her off.

“Fuck'er, it's over,” he decided. He balanced the rod on his thigh and opened a Moosehead.
Date Written: July 8, 2004
Author: Cooper Green
Average Vote: 4.68182
Comments:
07/9/2004 John Slocum (4): Excellent, almost a 5-er. CANADA!
07/9/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Great Scott!
07/9/2004 Will Disney (5):
07/9/2004 qualcomm (4):
07/9/2004 TheBuyer (5): Author: 18 inches? Don't you mean 45 centimetres?
07/9/2004 Pix (5): Oh the great canadian art of Ice Fishing!
07/9/2004 anonymous: Of course, Buyer, what was I thinking? Also 55 kg test line. And shouldn't his name be Gordy or Doug or something?
07/9/2004 TheBuyer: "it's gettin, it's gettin, it's a little metric.."
07/9/2004 TheBuyer: ooo...that was more of an 'inside' thought...
07/9/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Good one.
07/10/2004 TheBuyer: I bet he wrote this in five minutes.
07/10/2004 John Slocum: Wait, did this happen?
07/10/2004 Cooper Green: It might.
07/10/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (5): Pretty choice.
07/11/2004 Craig Lewis: I rounded up my 4.5. Is the fishing jargon in here real or invented? Wouldn't know the difference, but it reads great.
07/11/2004 Cooper Green: I doubt that a No. 14 is that large, Lewis, but the treble hook, the line test strength, the ice auger ... all that stuff exists. Thanks all for your kind comments.
07/11/2004 John Slocum: Lewis: you didn't vote. Do it now.
07/12/2004 Craig Lewis (5):
08/13/2004 Litcube (5): Cooper.. You're nuts!
12/1/2006 Master Bates (4.5): “Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er.”
08/12/2010 Yahzick: My dad wrote this. Seriously, that's fucked up.
08/17/2010 anonymous: rimming and sharks or at least an orca are required in this.. the darkness is there but her body needs to be eaten up