AcmeShorts

Ifferhite's Graff-tex stockings snagged on her long but stubbly legs as she hurdled an oncoming Stromium bot. The bots had come more quickly than she had planned, and she hadn't had time to shave her legs. As she fired a Lancer Grenade through the spinning Ferrial Portal, it occurred to her that she hadn't even brushed her teeth. If this was supposed to be a rescue mission, how would the Replassians feel when she showed up with Grotto-exhaust mouth? Not very good, that's how. And Jake - whom she had hooked up with in a previous scene, might not feel the movie magic if she was scrubby.

Ifferhite spun over an Annatangu Warrior, her quadracept springing a Tacidium-spiked high-heel into the creature's face. Its face mask shattered into bits. Having stunned it, she thrust her Fromantino Javelin through its eye-socket, pushed the soft eject, and little spindley bits of radioactive metal exploded into its head. But as she yanked the javelin back, she caught a wiff of her B.O. - My Ghomerman!, she thought. She hadn't even put on her Tom's of Maine lichen deoderant! And this Graff-tex suit really didn't ventillate very well. She'd have to make a foray into one of the cargo stations and recon some comparable types of Annatangu toiletries. Jake would really appreciate it if she looked - and smelled - her best. Maybe the Annatangus had dousching capabilities.
Date Written: July 7, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 2.5556
Comments:
07/12/2004 anonymous: I so completely don't like this that I don't want anyone to see my name.
07/12/2004 Craig Lewis (3): Hi, anon_a! I thought I was the only one up at this hour! Anyway, I don't like this either. To me, it reads like a bad Lerpa parody.
07/12/2004 John Slocum: what the hell were you doing up at 4.52 am?
07/12/2004 qualcomm (3): it reads like fan fiction for some video game. unfortunately, it doesn't read like a parody of fan fiction from some video game. 2.5 stars, rounded up because it's christmas.
07/12/2004 Craig Lewis: I was up writing a story about love. My forbidden love. For Doris.
07/12/2004 Will Disney: now there's a sexy photo!
07/12/2004 Dylan Danko: Fuck, I just lost my breakfast! Asshole.
07/12/2004 TheBuyer (3): Soylent Doris is people, she's made out of people!
07/12/2004 qualcomm: please... don't
07/12/2004 Mr. Pony: Nature abhors a naked reference. Although technically, I think that was maybe a compounded naked reference.
07/12/2004 TheBuyer: ya, sorry about that. water seeking its own level.
07/12/2004 scoop (2): I UNENJOYED THIS COMPLETELY.
07/12/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (3): This is weird. The weirdest part I think is the Tom's of Maine ref...
07/12/2004 John Slocum (3):
07/12/2004 qualcomm: thanks for the loss of lustre, author.
07/12/2004 Mr. Pony (2): goddammit!
07/12/2004 Pix (1): Whats that smell? Really, I think Acme needs a bath today.
07/12/2004 anonymous: Most definitely my worst rated acme short of all time! This is exciting! I wonder. If an author is consistently bad, could he be shoved off the author's list? Is that what happened to Texxx, or did he jump?
07/12/2004 Will Disney (3): what's so bad about this one? it's okay.
07/12/2004 TheBuyer: Check his last message bord post, you can link to it from his Guest User stats. That post is why I recoiled in flattered horror when Snow suggested I be considered a 'prospect.'
07/13/2004 John Slocum: It is okay, Disney, but just okay. The science fiction jargon isn't sharp. Lancer, Ferrial, replassians - a bit flat. 'Fromantino' sounds less like a nasty looking futuristic javelin, and more like a stinky Italian cheese, or an Italian wine. Wait, come to think about it, I love this short. What was I thinking?
07/13/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Nice reversal, Mr. Slocum.