AcmeShorts

“I think it’s the Friedl-Crafts Alkylation you’re after,” said Professor Triple-Bond taking another slug of his St. Ides. “You see, in order to join two compounds, there must be created in each of them an undeniable and compelling desire for one another. In this case, aluminum tri-chloride plays ‘cupid,’ bringing our love birds, benzene and isopropyl chloride, together. How does it do this? By being so electrophilic! It rips that electron-rich chlorine right off the isopropyl chloride, leaving it hypo-valent, directionless. It needs electrons. And what better paramour than the strongly nucleophilic benzene ring?! Their mutual need is so great, so powerful, they slam together in a violent, explosive reaction. Et voila: isoproply benzene. Understand? Excuse me, it’s time for my medicine.”

Triple-Bond began hopping up and down on his left foot, ramming his head into the wall every third hop. His big, bushy red afro jumped to and fro and it looked as though he was going to knock the freckles right off his face.

Susie closed her book, packed it in her knapsack and left his office. The wetness in her panty was uncomfortable. As she headed across campus she wondered if her chemistry Prof. would ever return her love. Love from a distance, she thought. Hmmmm. Was he trying to tell her something? Where was the 'aluminum tri-chloride' when she needed it? She realized she was isopropyl chloride, but what would be ripped off her to create the undeniable and compelling desire in Triple-Bond? Her arm? “Maybe my blouse,” she thought giggling as she reached under her bra and squeezed her ample bosom. The alkylation reaction seemed so violent to her when all she wanted was the comfort of sex with the man she respected and loved.