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Tarzan was secretly watching a couple of apes having sex, and, god, it was turning him on. He was standing behind some bushes, beating off. Over walked Jane.

“You’re a pervert,” said Jane, disgusted. She walked off.

It seemed like Jane had a point – at least half a point. Sure, getting off on the voyeuristic thrill of watching sex through the bushes – that was arguably perverse. But the bestiality thing, which is probably what she was really referring to – that wasn’t really fair. After all, Tarzan had been raised by apes. He had been suckled by an ape mother. His first sexual experimentation had been with the younger female apes in his clan. Sure he loved Jane – with her large, hairless breasts and all. But to him, hairy, banana-shaped teets meant “mommy” and “home”.

“AhhhhhaAhhhhhhAhhhhh!” Tarzan screamed, ejaculating, and thinking it over.

“AhhhhhaAhhhhhhAhhhhh” indeed.