AcmeShorts

It had been over an hour since Laszlo had pinched a loaf, but still he searched his fingertips for the telltale fecal scent. One minor embarrassment years ago had persuaded him to raise his right index and middle fingers to his nose every few minutes whether he had recently moved his bowels or not.

Clean. For now. He greeted Adrianna Malloy, who was early for their meeting in Laszlo’s office. Adrianna was attractive, smart and sharp. It was her first day in Laszlo’s department, and he wanted to set the tone. He offered Adrianna a chair, then doffed his suit jacket to reveal a crisp white shirt and silk club tie adorning his trim, fit physique.

“I’ve heard great things about you, Adrianna, and I’m looking forward to your take on the new anti-dumping legislation,” Laszlo said, sniffing his fingertips. “Do you think we should pass on the Coyle initiative?” All business, no small talk. Be predictable. It was important that she understand that early on.

“Not at all. I expect a few buried cables, but I’m confident we can work it out,” she replied predictably, falling into step. “Is there something on your tie?”

As Laszlo looked down, his chin dislodged a nugget of grainflecked dross from the knot of his tie. It tumbled over the contours of his shirt front, following the folds of the bright white broadcloth, leaving a staccato path of excreta that wandered down his chest, pointing the way to the lump of ordure that had now settled into the folds of his trousers.

"Not at all," said Laszlo, sniffing his fingers. "I hate to unload this on you so soon, but I’d like to see us move on this Coyle thing right away."